English
is a crazy language.
There
is no EGG in EGGPLANT nor HAM in HAMBURGER; neither
APPLE nor PINE in Pineapple.
ENGLISH MUFFINS weren't invented in
ENGLAND. QUICKSAND can
work SLOWLY, BOXING
RINGS are SQUARE, and
a GUINEA PIG is neither
from GUINEA nor is it
a PIG.
And
why is it that WRITERS
WRITE but FINGERS don't FIG, GROCERS don't
GROCE, and HAMMERS don't HAM?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make
AMENDS but not
one AMEND? If TEACHERS
TAUGHT, why didn't PREACHERS
PRAUGHT? If
a VEGETARIAN eats VEGETABLES,
what does a HUMANITARIAN eat?
In what other language do
people RECITE at
a PLAY and PLAY at
a RECITAL? We SHIP BY
TRUCK but SEND CARGO BY SHIP.
We have NOSES that
RUN and FEET that SMELL.
We PARK in
a DRIVEWAY and DRIVE in
a PARKWAY. And how can a SLIM
CHANCE and a FAT
CHANCE be the same, while a WISE
MAN and a WISE GUY are
opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which
your HOUSE can BURN UP as
it BURNS DOWN, in which
you FILL IN a form
by FILLING IT OUT, and in which
an ALARM goes OFF by
going ON. And, in closing, if Father is
POP, how come Mother's
not MOP?
not mine
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