Am I being irrational?
Please help.
»Long
story short (well the first part anyways), we were best friends
for six months, I got a crush on him, fell for him and then he
said he fell for me too. We had the perfect relationship after
that, best friends, but meaning the words I love you. But then,
he thought it was too much friends and not enough proper love. So
we broke up. 2 days later, he got a new girlfriend which he only
stayed with for about a week. When he was with her, we talked,
but the conversations always ended with me getting upset, because
in my eyes, if someone can go out wth someone after 2 days, then
he mustn't have ever cared about me. When they broke up the
conversations were easier because I didn't have to imagine
that he could be sending an I love you message to her.
But anyway. After that we talked a bit more, but it was like we talked for 3 days straight and maybe had a phone call in those days where we'd end up falling asleep. Then I'd text him one day and he wouldn't reply. So, not wanting to seem despeate, I left it 3 or 4 days then text him again and he wouldn't reply. So then I thought that I should just let him go. But then he would message me again. And then it would repeat.
One night we got pretty serious and he asked how I felt about him and I said that I still love him. He said he didn't think he loved me, but he had some small feelings for me. Then he said he wished I was his and that he could kiss me, which got me completly confused. After this, was another week of him not replying or texting me (this would be a good time to tell you he lives 500 miles away).
Then one day after about 2 weeks without a message I just asked him straight about how he feels about me and he said that he didn't know. So. I'm confused. He wants me to be his and He has feelings for me then he doesn't know if he does. Ugh.
So it's been about a week since I messaged him about that. Meaning in 3 weeks with one message. So I thought it all over one night and I realised that he's just playing with my heart and he's put me through too much that I shouldn't keep holding on.
So I deleted him off facebook yesterday and I'm just waiting for him to ask why. When he does, (this is where the 'am I being irrational? bit comes in)
I'll say something like this:
Because I've made the descision to let you go. What's the point in holding on if all it leads to is you playing with my mind&heart and me getting hurt. You said that you don't know if you have feelings for me because we never talk anymore. But to be honest, I think it should be you starting the conversation and making an effort. I've always tried to keep everything together. I've always given in if we ever had disagreements just so we don't have any tension. So why should I make an effort? If you really wanted to be with me then you should be the one that's going through hell trying to keep me. But if you can't be bothered, then fine. But would you just tell me that you don't want to fight for me? Because I hate not knowing weather to hold on or let go. It's so horrible you don't even know. I wish you would just tell me. Because I'm tired of waiting for you. &if you realise in a month and tell me then, I'll be gone. I'll hold my ground no matter how much I love you. Because it's just not worth it anymore if you don't care.
I'm sorry that this is so long. I just needed to vent. No one will read, but if you do, please comment&if you can, try to help me? Sorry for wasting your time.«
But anyway. After that we talked a bit more, but it was like we talked for 3 days straight and maybe had a phone call in those days where we'd end up falling asleep. Then I'd text him one day and he wouldn't reply. So, not wanting to seem despeate, I left it 3 or 4 days then text him again and he wouldn't reply. So then I thought that I should just let him go. But then he would message me again. And then it would repeat.
One night we got pretty serious and he asked how I felt about him and I said that I still love him. He said he didn't think he loved me, but he had some small feelings for me. Then he said he wished I was his and that he could kiss me, which got me completly confused. After this, was another week of him not replying or texting me (this would be a good time to tell you he lives 500 miles away).
Then one day after about 2 weeks without a message I just asked him straight about how he feels about me and he said that he didn't know. So. I'm confused. He wants me to be his and He has feelings for me then he doesn't know if he does. Ugh.
So it's been about a week since I messaged him about that. Meaning in 3 weeks with one message. So I thought it all over one night and I realised that he's just playing with my heart and he's put me through too much that I shouldn't keep holding on.
So I deleted him off facebook yesterday and I'm just waiting for him to ask why. When he does, (this is where the 'am I being irrational? bit comes in)
I'll say something like this:
Because I've made the descision to let you go. What's the point in holding on if all it leads to is you playing with my mind&heart and me getting hurt. You said that you don't know if you have feelings for me because we never talk anymore. But to be honest, I think it should be you starting the conversation and making an effort. I've always tried to keep everything together. I've always given in if we ever had disagreements just so we don't have any tension. So why should I make an effort? If you really wanted to be with me then you should be the one that's going through hell trying to keep me. But if you can't be bothered, then fine. But would you just tell me that you don't want to fight for me? Because I hate not knowing weather to hold on or let go. It's so horrible you don't even know. I wish you would just tell me. Because I'm tired of waiting for you. &if you realise in a month and tell me then, I'll be gone. I'll hold my ground no matter how much I love you. Because it's just not worth it anymore if you don't care.
I'm sorry that this is so long. I just needed to vent. No one will read, but if you do, please comment&if you can, try to help me? Sorry for wasting your time.«
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I mean, his, he was best friends with you for a while and then he 'falls for you', and things just.. get wack. He's confused and doesn't know what to do, which is probably a nerve-wracking feeling, meaning he probably just wants to get rid of those feelings.
I know someone who did that to me.
Anyway, and then your point of view, I can completely understand. But when you look back on the situation, you only thought of how you felt about it, didn't you? Very common to do that. Before you make any permanent decision, I strongly suggest you look at his point of view, too. Put yourself in his shoes. If you don't know why he's doing this, then just think of reasons he's doing so. Can you understand why he's doing that?
If you can, either way, just talk to him about it before making such a decision like this. Even though he has hurt you, everyone makes mistakes and they don't realize it until they do it again a few times (that is, if no one has tried to point it out to them). You really should just try to talk to him about what's going on and give him time to think about things (because everyone gets confused about their feelings towards someone at one point in their life, right?), just in case you might be making a mistake.