Reflection Chapter 4 "Mom I don't feel well, can I skip

"Mom I don't feel well, can I skip school today?" I asked my mom, walking downstairs in my pajamas. My mom stared at me for a few seconds. "I have a headache." I said.

"Okay, I'm going to work." 

I headed back to my room. I was tired, I had no sleep last night. And I didn't want to go to school today, I couldn't, not knowing that everyone knew I cut. I needed time to just figure everything out.

I lost all feelings for David. He never liked me, he was just being nice. I hated people like that, they were too confusing, it was like you never knew if they were your friend, or just pretending to be your friend.

I started over thinking. I replayed everything that happened yesterday. I replayed the first time David said "Hi," to me, I replayed the first time I cut, I replayed all the bullies. You know when you're really sad about one thing that happened, and that one thing makes you think of every other bad thing thats ever happened to you? That happens to me a lot, and it's happening now. I hate it, but there's no way to escape. I forcing pain on myself, but there's no blade involved. And I think killing your mind, is worse than killing your body.

 

A few hours later, when I knew for sure my mom wasn't coming home, I got my bike and rode it about a mile to a pond. It was beautiful, I always felt better when I went there, but not today. I dropped my bike on the dew covered grass and stared at the water. I stared at my reflection, every slight imperfection staring back at me. I threw a rock in the water and watched it ripple until it was finally still again. I looked back, it was blurry. Tears formed in my eyes. I looked at my wrist and ran my fingers over the scars. 'Why did people have to know about them? Why did I have to create them?' I thought. It's a battle, and I'm never going to forget it now.

A baby duck walked up to me and started quacking, a really quack. It actually made me smile, just for a second. I reached out the pet him but he started walking backwards. 

"Sorry little ducky, I didn't mean to scare you," I mumbled in that sweet voice you talk to all animals in. 

'I wish I had my camera,' I thought to myself, but if I got the camera and came back, the duckling would be gone. So I'd have to take a picture in my mind, and choose whether to remember the duck, or everyone else. I wish I could choose the winner, but things don't always happen the way you want them too.