Funny Quote #6526402
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Hey dad, you got any condoms? I'm going to need protection

Hey dad, you got any condoms? I'm going to need protection for when I go clubbing later ;)

Your face is protection enough.

nmf, followme *best dad ever

2 Comments

ImNotNormal 1 decade ago

I don't get it.

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nopatience 1 decade ago

saying he's ugly

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posted December 25, 2012 at 9:09pm UTC tagged with funny

more quotes by nopatience

So I went to the store, on Monday, to buy... things. Me: *stands awkwardly and miserably at the cash register where there is an insanely hot cashier who's like 18 and an old fat security guard standing nearby for god knows what reason* Cashier: *starts checking out my tampons, tissues, toilet paper, and nose spray* Security Guard: *starts cracking up* Me: *awkward death glare that's not as menicing as I wanted it to be* Cashier: *dying of laughter* Security Guard: Well, you've got liquid comin' outta all your holes! Cashier: *literally falls over from laughing so hard* Me: *blushes* Me: *secretly hiding laughter* Me: *grabs a paper bag, rips 2 holes out, and puts it on my head* Me: *walks away silently without taking any of the stuff I'd originally wanted to buy* Me: *gets to the car* Me: *dies* Mom: where's all the stuff you needed? Me: don't. ask. just. drive. Mom: well sh*t I'll do it you p*ssy Mom: *gets out of car* ~~~ 15 minutes later ~~~ Mom: *gets in car with a blush* Me: it happened to you too? Mom: shut the h*ll up.
At A Family Party Grandma: So... what'chya got there, sonny? Cousin: A rubix cube...? Grandma: Cool... Got girls as friends? Cousin: Yeah...? Grandma: oh, good. Good. Got a girlfriend? Cousin: No. Grandma: So these girls you're friends with... they are just friends? Cousin: Yes Grandma. Grandma: And you've got your rubix cube? Cousin: Yes...? Grandma: You can figure it out. You must have a lot of time on your hands since you don't have a girlfriend. Cousin: What are you trying to get at, Grandma? Grandma: *places hand on knee* It's okay to be gay. Me: Cousin: Santa: Mom: Harry Styles: Wes Stromberg: Obama: Grandpa: The old crank pot down the street: Crocodile in Australia: Abraham Lincoln: Bambi: Everyone Previously Mentioned: *falls off of chairs laughing and spills everything on the counters, tables, and plates*

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