that's what being shy feels like. like my skin is too thin,

that's what being shy feels like. like my skin is too thin, the light too bright. like the best palce i could possibly be is in the tunnel far under the cool, dark earth. someone asks me a question and i stare at them, empty-faced, my brain jammed up with how hard i'm trying to find something interesting to say. and in the end, all i can do is nod or shrug, because the light of their eyes are looking at me, waiting for me, i just too much to take. and then it's over and there's one more person in the world who think i'm a complete and total waste of space. the worst thing is the stupid hopefulness. every new party, every new bunch of people, and i start thinking that maybe this is my chance. that i'm going to be normal this time. a new leaf. a fresh start. but then i find myself at the party thinking, oh yeah. this again. so i stand on the edge of things, crossing my fingers praying nobody will try to look me in the eye. and the good thing is, they usually don't.