i hate everyone.
why is this happening? i'm sorry, but i have to rant about
this. losing someone is really hard. but let me tell you, losing
someone to murder is literally living through H E L L and i
can't take this anymore. my family went to yet another court
apperance for the murder of my grandmother, 64 year old Diana
Patterson, and my uncle, 29 year old Ryan Patterson, for the double
homocide that took place on november 3, 2011. it is now march 8,
2013. yesterday, uncle Ryan's 911 call was submitted as
evidence to the judge and a handful of reporters were there. i have
not heard the 911 call yet, but my mom said it was pretty
disturbing to listen to. so today i went to school thinking at
least one of my friends would've seen it on facebook, since
seriously everyone was sharing the online newspaper article about
it, and asked me if i was alright. no. not one of them. the only
friend who has comforted me at all in the past year and four months
since their deaths is my best friend. no one asks how i'm doing
or how my mom's doing or how court's going. it's not
spoken about unless brought up by me. and when i do bring it up, or
wear my rip tee shirts made for them, i get told it makes people
uncomfortable. so lately, i've stopped bringing it up. today
though, i was really hoping for someone to cheer me up, since my
best friend was home sick. no one did. they just made me feel
worse. and the stupid thing is, they all knew i was upset. i got
fed up with it and told them at the end of the day and they asked
if that was the reason i was upset all day. it's like they
couldn't have asked if i was okay if they knew i was upset? my
best friend would've asked within five seconds of being around
me. and right after i got my three second pitty hug, it was right
back to talking about them and their lives. so i came home in a bad
mood, almost ready to burst into tears on the bus ride home, and
went on with my day as if nothing happened. i couldn't let my
parents see me upset. but then i come to find out some moron
reporter that was in the court room yesterday leaked the 911 call
to youtube and posted it literally everywhere. it's in the
paper, it's online, it's on twitter. everywhere. my best
friend got into a fight, i guess you could call it, on twitter with
the reporter about how disrespectful and rude it was. she shows no
sympathy, though. in a way it is rude to my uncle's friends
along with me and my brother who honestly shouldn't hear his
911 ever, but what bothers me the most is that she has no
problem disrespecting Ryan's privacy like that. he's gone,
he can't even say whether or not he wants that out for the
public to hear. i am literally on the verge of tears as i type
this. i hate everyone and everything with a burning passion. and
i'm sorry for this long rant, but i just wanted other people to
know and hear me out since i have no say in anything anymore. thank
you for reading, if you did.
- Amber xx
- Amber xx
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I'm really sorry you have to go through all this stuff.
I mean there comes a time when you want to put it behind you but you can't and I'm sorry.
I'm sorry about your friends, you deserve better, much better.
You know I'm always here if you need me.
Stay strong <3