more truth
about me
(please read)
so, i've been learning alot about vulnerability. how its good and how its courageous, and i feel like there are so many things i have never told anyone so im going to tell you guys and i really don't know how its going to go and im really scared because i don't want nobody to care but i don't think that will happen.
my biggest problem since 6th grade has been me always trying to be somebody else.
when i was 10 years old, i spent hours researching what kind of people other people liked and wanted to be friends with.
i wrote up 10 pgs of a document i titled "how to be perfect"
i had to be the best, i had to be better than everybody else and i memorized my 10 pgs on what i thought was perfection
i basically threw everything i was out of a window and tried forced myself to be who i thought people would like
i tried to be somebody else for years like that
but i wasn't really good at it
and i didn't understand
when i was in 8th grade i had a breakdown and i couldn't take it
i convinced myself nothing in the world was good and i couldn't change that, no matter what i thought on a better day, things would still be inherently bad
so i shut down
i didn't feel anything for the rest of 8th grade and most of 9th
when my kitten passed away, i didn't even cry
i didn't even realize i had been numbing out everything until september of this year, 10th grade
i did everything i could to try to feel again. i couldn't cry, i couldn't laugh and i didn't understand
then there would be these rare moments where i could
and then id lose them
finally, a video came to me and inspired me and it was like i had literally just woken up
and things were suddenly perfect
i mean perfect
and im grateful for the times i was numb because now i don't fear pain i embrace it and i laugh even happier than before
that's my story, i hope you respect it but more over i hope you see something of yourself in me and it gives you strength or courage
thank you
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i LOVE you so much
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http://www.sockshare.com/file/C5C0C0435790D5DC
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http://www.sockshare.com/file/C5C0C0435790D5DC
I am so proud of you for finally finding your way!
I was kind of like like last year, but I'm over it now.
I hope you stay happy like this for at least a while! (:
I'm really glad you shared your story (: You are amazing c:
When I was in 6th grade I thought I had to be like everyone else (kind of like this too)
http://www.sockshare.com/file/C5C0C0435790D5DC