Quote Quote #6692496
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29 Comments

Christina* 9 years ago
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Wow I love this! You did a fantastic job on description. I could nearly see the couple and Cherie in the freezing wind. I love the plot, it sound really interesting and i think its really important that you go on writing even if no one reads. Because Walt Disney got fired from his job because he lacked "imagination and creativity" . So you keep going and i love it :)
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TheJealousOne 9 years ago
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Thank you soo much! I love this comment. Thank you for reading.
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Christina* 9 years ago
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hahaha you bet!
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bella is a penguin * 9 years ago
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Notify me pwease
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TheJealousOne 9 years ago
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Sure I will :)
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JoshConnollyTheCoolKid 9 years ago
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Love this story. c:
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TheJealousOne 9 years ago
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Thanks so much! :D
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ChyGain17 9 years ago
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i like it :) notify me?
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TheJealousOne 9 years ago
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yes sure :)
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doublesidedice 9 years ago
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This is good and I like the plot. It's a bit choppy but really good so far :)
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TheJealousOne 9 years ago
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Thanks so much! i love you
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SomeRandomDude 9 years ago
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this is really good :) i like the plot :) but maybe instead of ending off sentences so early. like this. try using comas to make it flow a bit better :) other than that keep up the awesome work :)
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TheJealousOne 9 years ago
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yeah :) it's the lack of time and patience I have when writing. I think of an idea and want to rush until I get to it, if that makes sense. and thankyou! :)
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Rajsonkar 9 years ago
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cool .........
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spence* 9 years ago
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It's amazing tell me when the next one is up :)
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TheJealousOne 9 years ago
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thanks and will do
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spence* 9 years ago
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no problem :) yaay :DD
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TheJealousOne 9 years ago
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:) :) :))
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sophsunflower12 9 years ago
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Unfortunately, you happened to ask me (this intensely relentless girl who happens to also enjoy writing quite a bit) to read this. This is just some CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. Think of it as tough love:
Firstly, there were a LOT of fragments in this. Now, personally, I use fragments all the time. They're great. In this, though, I noticed that there were multiple fragments in a row, which can put off a reader at times. "Infront" tends to be written as "In front." When you write dialogue, indents and new lines must be added, in addition to it being written correctly. [Ex: "Hi," she said.] The comma MUST be inside the quotation marks, and it links the speaker to his/her words. Comma placement was needed in parts. Sentences shouldn't end in prepositions. Since this was written in first person, the phrase "I thought" isn't needed. Numbers below ten are generally written out. MY NAME'S SOPHIE :) ...but I don't have a boyfriend :( Proper nouns (like names) are capitalized. Based on the way you spelled "favorite," I have a strong hunch that you don't dwell in America, so I'm just basing my mechanical knowledge off that of the US.
Sorry if this sounds harsh. In reality, I truly did find the story interesting so far. It was a nice way to start, and you should definitely keep going with this :) If you want/find yourself too bored to describe in words, then you should totally check out where I write: http://www.wattpad.com/user/sophieanna
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TheJealousOne 9 years ago
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Thank you for the advice :) It helped, I'm also reading your stories!
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sophsunflower12 9 years ago
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You're welcome, I'm glad, and okay :)
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Jersey_Girl 9 years ago
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i like this!! (:
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TheJealousOne 9 years ago
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Thanks soo much :) Means alot
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Jersey_Girl 9 years ago
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could you notify me please? (:
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TheJealousOne 9 years ago
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of course :)
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Jersey_Girl 9 years ago
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thanks beautiful!
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TheJealousOne 9 years ago
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anytime
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AddictedToLife 9 years ago
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Seems cool :3 would you remind me when the next chapter's 'out' please?
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TheJealousOne 9 years ago
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Yeah, sure :) Thanks for reading please share? Will mean alot.
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24 Wittians like this

sarahmarlowXxxChristina*MoniBirdgigi58bella is a penguin *spence**♥︎Lady Ave♥︎*AddictedToLifeIDevourRainbowslost dreamer*ashleymcq13TillWeSurrenderChyGain17smluvsartTswizzleFan13.*

posted January 1, 1970 at 12:00am UTC tagged with quote