Wow I love this! You did a fantastic job on description. I could nearly see the couple and Cherie in the freezing wind. I love the plot, it sound really interesting and i think its really important that you go on writing even if no one reads. Because Walt Disney got fired from his job because he lacked "imagination and creativity" . So you keep going and i love it :)
this is really good :) i like the plot :) but maybe instead of ending off sentences so early. like this. try using comas to make it flow a bit better :) other than that keep up the awesome work :)
yeah :) it's the lack of time and patience I have when writing. I think of an idea and want to rush until I get to it, if that makes sense. and thankyou! :)
Unfortunately, you happened to ask me (this intensely relentless girl who happens to also enjoy writing quite a bit) to read this. This is just some CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. Think of it as tough love:
Firstly, there were a LOT of fragments in this. Now, personally, I use fragments all the time. They're great. In this, though, I noticed that there were multiple fragments in a row, which can put off a reader at times. "Infront" tends to be written as "In front." When you write dialogue, indents and new lines must be added, in addition to it being written correctly. [Ex: "Hi," she said.] The comma MUST be inside the quotation marks, and it links the speaker to his/her words. Comma placement was needed in parts. Sentences shouldn't end in prepositions. Since this was written in first person, the phrase "I thought" isn't needed. Numbers below ten are generally written out. MY NAME'S SOPHIE :) ...but I don't have a boyfriend :( Proper nouns (like names) are capitalized. Based on the way you spelled "favorite," I have a strong hunch that you don't dwell in America, so I'm just basing my mechanical knowledge off that of the US.
Sorry if this sounds harsh. In reality, I truly did find the story interesting so far. It was a nice way to start, and you should definitely keep going with this :) If you want/find yourself too bored to describe in words, then you should totally check out where I write: http://www.wattpad.com/user/sophieanna
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Firstly, there were a LOT of fragments in this. Now, personally, I use fragments all the time. They're great. In this, though, I noticed that there were multiple fragments in a row, which can put off a reader at times. "Infront" tends to be written as "In front." When you write dialogue, indents and new lines must be added, in addition to it being written correctly. [Ex: "Hi," she said.] The comma MUST be inside the quotation marks, and it links the speaker to his/her words. Comma placement was needed in parts. Sentences shouldn't end in prepositions. Since this was written in first person, the phrase "I thought" isn't needed. Numbers below ten are generally written out. MY NAME'S SOPHIE :) ...but I don't have a boyfriend :( Proper nouns (like names) are capitalized. Based on the way you spelled "favorite," I have a strong hunch that you don't dwell in America, so I'm just basing my mechanical knowledge off that of the US.
Sorry if this sounds harsh. In reality, I truly did find the story interesting so far. It was a nice way to start, and you should definitely keep going with this :) If you want/find yourself too bored to describe in words, then you should totally check out where I write: http://www.wattpad.com/user/sophieanna