I feel like I am constantly being made fun of behind my back.

I feel like I am constantly being made fun of behind my back. I'm so paranoid. I care way too much about people who don't care about me, and I waste my time worrying about others. I let stupid girls who are supposed to be my 'friends' get in the way of what really matters but I can't help it. I have nobody to talk to because I am ashamed of how I feel at the moment. I don't want to grow up or carry on. It makes me sound really depressed and sad but it just seems so much more peaceful and easier to give up but I know I can't and I won't. My mum always asks if i'm okay and she's worried about me but I don't want to worry her because I can't even put my feelings into words. It's like i'm sad and lonely but yet happy in my own little world. I like my own company, and I can't be bothered to put up with any annoying people who are supposed to be my friends.