If you could see me now
chapter 10
The next day when I showed up for
work Conor ignored me completely. I didn't care. Well, that
was what I told myself. Eoin spoke to me though, so it was easier
to keep my mind off Conor.
This was my last day before my Christmas holidays. I could almost taste the turkey that I wasn't going to cook. Hazel was busy checking to see what else she would need for her Christams dinner. She thought that she might as well be organised and buy things a few days in advance. I offered to come with her when she was going food shopping, since there was nothing to do on the farm.
When we got to the supermarket in town, Hazel decided to let me in on some of John's secrets.
"We're going to close down the farm," she told me, almost whispering.
"What? Why?" I gasped.
"Nobody visits our little petting farm anymore. It was a good business at the start, but not anymore," she said.
"But it could be good again. Kids love wearing old clothes and getting mud and dirty all over themselves while feeding foals," I told her, smiling slightly.
"John said he just doesn't want to do this kind of thing anymore," Hazel confessed. "If his heart's not in it then I'm not going to force him to keep going."
"So, what will you do? If you close down?" I asked.
"Well, John and I always planned to live in the coutryside in France, but then when I got pregnant with Darren so we didn't get to. Darren and Conor could stay here, of course, but Eoin might not be able to. And, well, Joe and Annie are too young to stay here and I don't think they would like to move." She sighed, picking up some peas off the shelf.
"Yes, that's true," I agreed. "But parents sometimes need to think of themselves. Because if you don't you'll go mad. It happened someone I knew. She did everything for her family and they were ungrateful for her. Then one day she snapped and committed suicide." I could hear the sadness in my voice as I spoke.
"My God, that's awful," she gasped.
I nodded, not trusting my voice.
"So, what are your family doing for Christmas?" she asked cheerily.
What was I meant to say to that?
"Are you okay? You've gone very white," Hazel said, putting her hand on my forehead to check my temperature.
"F-fine," I told her. "I just... don't know how to answer that question."
"Why not?" she asked, staring uncomprehendingly at me.
"The woman that killed herself is my mother," I said quickly.
"Oh, I'm very sorry." She smiled sympathetically at me. "What about your father?"
I sighed. "Don't even go there."
"Okay, I won't, but if you need somewhere to stay over Christmas you come to our house, alright?" she said.
"Oh, I couldn't ask you to-"
"You're not asking, we're offering," she interrupted.
"Conor might not want me there," I said slowly.
"Well the rest of us do." I had never heard Hazel's voice so stern, like she wasn't asking me to come over - it was more like she was ordering me.
"Okay then, I'll come," I told her.
"Good. Now, help me pick out a turkey."
Later, when we went back to their house, and I was going upstairs to go to the bathroom, I overheard Annie, Darren, Eoin and Conor talking in Conor and Eoin's room.
"She is not spending Christmas here," Conor snapped. I grinned to myself, happy that I had annoyed him in the little way that I could.
"Yes she is. Hazel told me her parents live really far away and that she can't go see them," Annie said. "She can't spend Christmas alone." I still found it strange that they called their parents by their first name. I mean, I did that too, but that was different. It was hard to speak about my mother because it hurt, so it was easier to call her Sharon. And I didn't like to think my father was actually my father and that he was where he was - actually, I didn't like to think about him or what he did much at all - so it suited me just fine to call him Thomas. I was grateful that Hazel didn't tell them what really happened to my mother - Sharon.
"I'll pay for the plane ticket myself before I have her stay here," Conor muttered.
"Look, Conor, I don't know what happened between you two," Darren began.
"I do," Eoin murmered.
"Shut up Eoin. Anyway, Jodie is like family to us and we all treat her like a sister. Christmas is a time for family, and since she can't see her family, we ought to step in as a kind of adopted family," Darren said. I had never heard him say anything kind, and that was the kindest thing anyone had said about me. I smiled to myself.
"No, I won't have it. If she spends Christmas here then I won't. She completely messed with my head and then humiliated me," Conor hissed.
"You're the one who didn't tell her you had a girlfriend," Eoin said in my defence. I didn't deserve him as a friend, truly I didn't.
"Shut up Eoin! Just because you have some stalker crush thing with her doesn't mean th-"
Conor was cut off rather quickly with the sound of shuffling feet, a punch, and a groan.
"My nose," Conor said, his voice muffled.
The door swung open. Conor froze when he saw me standing there with a grin on my face.
"Oh, I suppose you think this is funny," he snapped, blood dripping down from his nose onto his shirt.
"Yes, I do actually," I said, laughing. "Here, I'll help you."
This was my last day before my Christmas holidays. I could almost taste the turkey that I wasn't going to cook. Hazel was busy checking to see what else she would need for her Christams dinner. She thought that she might as well be organised and buy things a few days in advance. I offered to come with her when she was going food shopping, since there was nothing to do on the farm.
When we got to the supermarket in town, Hazel decided to let me in on some of John's secrets.
"We're going to close down the farm," she told me, almost whispering.
"What? Why?" I gasped.
"Nobody visits our little petting farm anymore. It was a good business at the start, but not anymore," she said.
"But it could be good again. Kids love wearing old clothes and getting mud and dirty all over themselves while feeding foals," I told her, smiling slightly.
"John said he just doesn't want to do this kind of thing anymore," Hazel confessed. "If his heart's not in it then I'm not going to force him to keep going."
"So, what will you do? If you close down?" I asked.
"Well, John and I always planned to live in the coutryside in France, but then when I got pregnant with Darren so we didn't get to. Darren and Conor could stay here, of course, but Eoin might not be able to. And, well, Joe and Annie are too young to stay here and I don't think they would like to move." She sighed, picking up some peas off the shelf.
"Yes, that's true," I agreed. "But parents sometimes need to think of themselves. Because if you don't you'll go mad. It happened someone I knew. She did everything for her family and they were ungrateful for her. Then one day she snapped and committed suicide." I could hear the sadness in my voice as I spoke.
"My God, that's awful," she gasped.
I nodded, not trusting my voice.
"So, what are your family doing for Christmas?" she asked cheerily.
What was I meant to say to that?
"Are you okay? You've gone very white," Hazel said, putting her hand on my forehead to check my temperature.
"F-fine," I told her. "I just... don't know how to answer that question."
"Why not?" she asked, staring uncomprehendingly at me.
"The woman that killed herself is my mother," I said quickly.
"Oh, I'm very sorry." She smiled sympathetically at me. "What about your father?"
I sighed. "Don't even go there."
"Okay, I won't, but if you need somewhere to stay over Christmas you come to our house, alright?" she said.
"Oh, I couldn't ask you to-"
"You're not asking, we're offering," she interrupted.
"Conor might not want me there," I said slowly.
"Well the rest of us do." I had never heard Hazel's voice so stern, like she wasn't asking me to come over - it was more like she was ordering me.
"Okay then, I'll come," I told her.
"Good. Now, help me pick out a turkey."
Later, when we went back to their house, and I was going upstairs to go to the bathroom, I overheard Annie, Darren, Eoin and Conor talking in Conor and Eoin's room.
"She is not spending Christmas here," Conor snapped. I grinned to myself, happy that I had annoyed him in the little way that I could.
"Yes she is. Hazel told me her parents live really far away and that she can't go see them," Annie said. "She can't spend Christmas alone." I still found it strange that they called their parents by their first name. I mean, I did that too, but that was different. It was hard to speak about my mother because it hurt, so it was easier to call her Sharon. And I didn't like to think my father was actually my father and that he was where he was - actually, I didn't like to think about him or what he did much at all - so it suited me just fine to call him Thomas. I was grateful that Hazel didn't tell them what really happened to my mother - Sharon.
"I'll pay for the plane ticket myself before I have her stay here," Conor muttered.
"Look, Conor, I don't know what happened between you two," Darren began.
"I do," Eoin murmered.
"Shut up Eoin. Anyway, Jodie is like family to us and we all treat her like a sister. Christmas is a time for family, and since she can't see her family, we ought to step in as a kind of adopted family," Darren said. I had never heard him say anything kind, and that was the kindest thing anyone had said about me. I smiled to myself.
"No, I won't have it. If she spends Christmas here then I won't. She completely messed with my head and then humiliated me," Conor hissed.
"You're the one who didn't tell her you had a girlfriend," Eoin said in my defence. I didn't deserve him as a friend, truly I didn't.
"Shut up Eoin! Just because you have some stalker crush thing with her doesn't mean th-"
Conor was cut off rather quickly with the sound of shuffling feet, a punch, and a groan.
"My nose," Conor said, his voice muffled.
The door swung open. Conor froze when he saw me standing there with a grin on my face.
"Oh, I suppose you think this is funny," he snapped, blood dripping down from his nose onto his shirt.
"Yes, I do actually," I said, laughing. "Here, I'll help you."
Author's
Note:
My 161st quote. Seems like
just yesterday that I posted my first one :')
Feedback? Follow for a follow. Thanks! ~Mary :)
Feedback? Follow for a follow. Thanks! ~Mary :)
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