Getting Better
5-11-13
Well our talk Wednesday went good, everything
was fine, Wednesday during Italian class I actually got to know a
lot more about him and his family.
Then Thursday came, and we were sitting in Italian class, talking
about high school, and how he is gonna be on the football team
next year, so I was like "Trevor can you promise me
something?" and he said "depends on what it is"
and I said "Promise me that if one of us gets
popular no matter how popular you get, or how popular I get,
we won't bail on each other."
And he couldn't promise me that.
We stayed after Thursday for a dance committee meeting, because
we are gonna help decorate and stuff for the eighth grade dance.
I still didn't understand why he couldn't promise me
that, and he kept saying "what if we fight again?" I
told him that I didn't think we were going to fight, I mean
there's nothing left to fight about.. and I told him the
promise would be off if we stopped being friends anyways, he
still couldn't promise me. After the meeting was over he
hugged me really tight and I left.
When we got home we were texting and we talked about it and he
told me he doesn't know how he's going to feel walking
into our big high school, he doesn't know if he'll want
to still be with me, or if he'll have any feelings left.. and
he said that he was prepared for us to fight and never talk
again, that's why he wouldn't make the promise. He was
ready for us to fight.. That hurt.
It makes me feel like he has no faith in me, faith in the thing
we are doing now, the week by week thing, and it makes me feel
like in a way he doesn't trust me, and it really hurts.
Friday I saw him for only a little bit in the morning because I
had to take a math MCAS (Massachusetts Comprehensive Assessment
System) test. We hugged goodbye and I told him I was sorry he
felt the way he did, and I said I was sorry about everything.
After school he texted me, but I couldn't answer right away
because I was 2 towns away at my family's farm, but he told
me that he does trust me and does appreciate the changes I've
beeen making, but he thinks he trusts me more than I trust him,
because If I trusted him I wouldn't have even asked him to
promise he wouldn't bail on me....I just wanted to be
reassured that things were going to be okay, and he couldn't
even tell me that.. He also said that he thinks I'm hiding my
true feelings from him by trying to mask it with all the good
changes that have been going on, he thinks on the inside I'm
fed up with him, and have a lot of built up anger towards him.
It's true that I'm hiding what I'm feeling, but
it's not anger. It's sadness. I have never been so upset
in a very long time over this whole thing.
But I thought we were getting
better