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Signs That You're Too Drunk ... 24. You lose arguments with
Signs That You're Too Drunk ...
24. You lose arguments with objects.
23. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
22. Your Job is interfering with your drinking.
21. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
20. Your career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.
19. You sincerely believe alcohol to be the 5th food group.
18. 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence? - I think not!
17. Two hands and just one mouth... - now that's a drinking problem!
16. You can focus better with one eye closed.
15. The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
14. Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past you.
13. You fall off the floor...
12. Hey, five beers has just as many calories as a burger, forget dinner!
11. Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you
10. At AA meetings you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
9.Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
8.The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in...
7.You think Three Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, and Alcohol.
6.Roseanne looks good.
5.Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass.
4.That pink elephant followed you home again.
3.You're as jober as a sudge.
2.You wake up screaming "TORO TORO TORO!" in the middle of the night.
and last but not least...
1.Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops!
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7 Wittians like this
posted April 3, 2009 at 4:18pm EDT tagged with
more quotes by funkyfunkyfresh
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It hurts to look at the past cause we don't know how? we lived without the present
------------------------- The star of the football team h a s a b l i n d d a d who always comes to his games, even though he can't see him play. One day, the dad gets sick and dies before the night of his son's big game. The team is expecting him to slack off, mourning the death of his father. But he played the best game he EVER had, making the winning touchdown &+ many amazing plays. The couch is amazed, so he asked, "How did you play so well even after your father has passed? The boy stares right at him, and says "This is the first time he has ever seen me play." ♥ ------------------------- Not mine. I just love it
when i'm in the car and a sad song comes on the radio, i stare out the window and act like i'm in a movie♥
Today in my biology class we were talking about hurricane([ Katrina}. My teacher asked this really slutty girl what some of the effects of the hurricane were, and she replied, "well everything got all wet and dirty." Suddenly the quietest guy in class looks up and goes, "Kate, no one asked about your weekend." MILA.
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