I used to not be
okay.
I used to be so not okay with myself. I was overweight and I felt
disgusting in my own skin. I was so insecure and my self esteem
was at a zero. Everyday I'd try. Try to feel a little okay
with myself, just a little. I'd put on makeup, do my hair and
get 5 sizes smaller in all my clothes to make myself appear that
I wasn't overweight. I wouldn't always get along with my
family or friends. I'd get bullied a lot. I'd run
upstairs after school and just sob my eyes out for nearly an
hour. My pillowcase would be stained with mascara, eyeliner, you
name it. But the bad things started when I started to change. I
was still overweight, putting on tons of makeup and being the
annoying attention seeker I was, but in a way I changed. I
started to try and fit in even more, and I sort of did. I became
friends with the 'popular girl' and she and one of the
popular guys who were on my bus were 'teaching me to be
popular' and everything. I listened to every word they said,
and tried to fit in. When I was kind of popular, not really
popular but just a little bit I started to like this boy. I told
the 'popular girl' and she told him, and started asking
him questions about me while I was standing right there.
She'd be like, ''do you like her?'' and
he'd be like ''no way!'' and she was
literally dangling him around at me. One time this really bad
thing happened and I had to sit beside him in one class and that
popular girl was in front of us, always turning around talking to
him, and guess what she did? She told him EVERYTHING. She also
got out the most embarrassing ugliest pictures of me she
screenshotted on FaceTime and showed him and he was like
''Ew...'' and I just wanted to sink down there. I
was still insecure and not getting along with anyone and
that's when I decided to cut. I didn't find it sore at
all. So I done it again and this girl found out. She badly wanted
to tell someone but I made her swear that she wouldn't. I was
so upset for so long. Until I started listening to this music
(I'm not naming it sorry) and reading quotes by these people
and I started to see the beauty of life. I haven't cut since
because of it. The lyrics, the words, they made me feel like I
wanted to walk on this earth. They made me feel happy inside. I
no longer cared about being the perfect popular girl anymore. It
made me motivated to get into shape is well, so I did. I tried
out in sports and made loads of new friends. I'm not longer
overweight now. I'm not really sure about my weight though,
but I feel a bit more comfortable in my skin then I used to. I
was suddenly carefree. I still wear a little makeup but I'm
not as afraid for people to see me without it now. I now have so
many amazing friends and that popular girl moved away to another
school. The other boy that was teaching me to be cool, grew up
since last year and we're really good friends now. The boy
that I liked grew up too and we're now friends. I no longer
like him and I like another boy, and someone said that he likes
me back too, I'll be going to a new school and I'm going
to miss my old friends so terribly but I know that I can always
keep in touch, and I can't wait to make more friends. I feel
so happy now, and the reason why I'm posting this is that no
matter how awful, unwanted, fat, worthless, disgusting, horrible,
depressed you feel. It is never too late to change, you can't
be stuck like this forever. It gets better, it always does, life
never puts you through something you can't handle.
Now I am okay, more than okay.
Fantastic.
I've been having trouble making and keeping friends for years. It seems so hard. I feel like something is wrong with me, personally...
I have the same problem, I'm really shy at the start and sometimes I get boosts of confidence and say something to someone and they might find it awfully weird and it makes me disappointed. But all you have to think is that if somebody doesn't like you for who you are, there is no point on dealing with them. Nothing is wrong with you. Just simply say ''Hi, how're you?'' to someone and give them compliments, ask them about their interests. You'll make friends in no time, that's how I made friends! :)