Sad Quote #6861078
all quotes · sad · mystory · story ·

There are times when I’m just laying in bed. Acting okay,

There are times when I’m just laying in bed. Acting okay, talking to people on the computer, as if everything is fine. I’ll go downstairs, as if to get something to eat every so often, so my dad thinks that I’m eating. I go through the routine, open the cabinets, refrigerator, maybe make something. I’ll take it upstairs to my room. Sometimes I do eat it. Sometimes I eat too much. Other times I’ll just let it sit there. Then throw it away. My life is just a rerun. A sad pathetic rerun.

I often get in slumps. I don’t want to do anything. I’ll just lay around, bored. I don’t want to be bored. So I’ll make plans. I’ll ask somebody to hang out, go to a movie. I’ll get ready, go through the motions, get dressed, brush my hair, shoes, socks, etc, but when it’s time to leave.. I don’t want to.. Like my mind totally changes. And I’ll lay in bed. And do nothing.

There are points where I don’t want to do anything. It gets so bad. I’ll let my room to pieces. My dad comes upstairs sometimes. He comes, knocks on the door, I’m too embarrassed to let him in, so I say ‘go away’, and he comes in anyway. He makes comments to me about how he cant walk in my room without stepping on something. There are dishes piled high on my nightstand. I’m a slob. But I don’t want to clean. I can’t.

I cry often. Usually for no reason. I’ll just get into a depressed state, and be really sad. I’ll curl up into a ball and cry. Sometimes yell and curse at my sister for what she’s done to me. Curse at a lot of things. Curse at the things that messed me up. Curse at myself because I’m so stupid. How could I not be stupid? I’ll most likely be a druggy like the rest of my family.

I usually act fine. I’m usually a pro at it. I’ll talk to people normally, but I can’t help but want someone to ask if I’m okay, even though I know I can’t answer honestly. I wont. I don’t like to bring people down. I want someone to hug me, and tell me everything will be alright. I want someone to show me.. that there’s an actual purpose to life. But I wake up every morning, or afternoon. Look around, and realize that this is it. There isn’t a point to living, living on this planet. For what? To learn to walk, to talk, teenage drama, jobs, kids, death. What purpose does this have? None.

I don’t belong here. I belong in a grave.

Not even. I just should be thrown at the bottom of the ocean, shark food, at least that’ll serve some purpose. I know they’ll be attracted to me anyway. The blood from my cuts works as a nice lure. It’s happening close to every week now. Sometimes more than that. But that’s okay. I’m don’t do it on my arms anymore.

I often think about death. How it’d be easier. People wouldn’t have to worry about me and I wouldn’t have to worry about them. There is no point in living anyway, especially with my life. That’s alright though. I’ll just try my best not to waste oxygen. Or space. Though, being lonely is hard. Having no one who cares is also hard. But. Life goes on, sadly.

I remember the time I almost killed myself. I took my dad’s gun and loaded it. I sat there for about an hour before I put it down. That’s when my grandma came. That’s when she decided to get me help. That’s why I went to see a therapist. But I don’t like it. It’s uncomfortable. I don’t like talking to people I don’t know.. or anyone for that matter. Especially about feelings.. It’s hard to open me up that way.

Her name is Linda. She says I’m depressed. I say I’m psycho. She says that I’m not, that I’ve just gone through a lot of crap that I shouldn’t have and now I’m feeling all the sad emotions at once. But I don’t believe her.  

I get in happy sad moods. Like a roller coaster. My mood is up then all of a sudden it drops. I hate it so much. I just want to be normal. I wish I could be normal.. I wish I had friends. I wish I had someone. I wish things weren’t so complicated.

2 Comments

of_mice_and_lucifer* 1 decade ago
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oh my god someone understands
reply 1
doublesidedice 1 decade ago
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This kind of describes me perfectly. Remember that someone does care....I do if you can't think of anyone. I understand how you feel. It's been like this for me for a while as well. I know you'll think ik just saying this. You'll think I'm making it up. You'll think you don't wanna talk to me. I don't fare if you talk to me or not. I just want you to know I care and that I'm here for you if you ever wanna talk about anything or have a laugh. I'm always here for you <3
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3 Wittians like this

DreamAbovetheStarsdoublesidediceof_mice_and_lucifer*

gravity_enemy

posted August 17, 2013 at 1:02pm UTC tagged with sad, mystory, story

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