follow
posted September 18, 2013 at 12:09am UTC tagged with
love, funny
more quotes by thumperswife
related quotes
-
"I babysat this six year old, and I was wearing shorts today..
and my scars were showing, I guess. He poked them and he said, "I know how those got there." I replied, "How?" He looked at me with a straight face and he said, 'I've seen them before. My big sister had them, and she said mean people put them on your body when they weren't nice to you, because when people are mean to you, you end up being mean to yourself. My big sister went away. I don't know where she went. Mommy said she's on a happy vacation somewhere, because she was too sad here. I miss her. Don't go on a vacation, please.'"
-
one time in high school i didn't read the assigned book
and i was like screw it imma write this essay anyway and i had no idea what the book was even about or who the characters were so i just spewed out some bs about archetypes and the teacher came up to me after class and told me i was the only student who truly understood the book.
-
someone called me fat today at school because
i was eating chips in math class so i looked at them, then to my bag of chips, then poured the rest of the bag inside my mouth and without breaking eye contact, pulled out another bag from my backback and kept eating.
-
I passed a real gentleman in Boston a few weeks ago.
Dude (into cellphone): I'M GOING TO BREAK YOUR F//CKING JAW. THE NEXT TIME I SEE YOU, DO YOU HEAR ME? YOUR F//CKING JAW. I'M GONNA BREAK--hold on, give me a second. There's a lady walking by.