Sorry Quote #6892391
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I am what I am and you deserve better.

I am what I am and you deserve better.

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motz_ztom*

posted September 23, 2013 at 11:10pm UTC tagged with sorry, iloveyou, neverenough, ifonlyyouknew, love

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I feel in the mood to share something personal. Really personal... So... I was sexually harassed when I was younger, maybe 7 years old? And his name was Christian. He would give me photos that he'd taken of me. He'd follow me around at school and even paid other guys to do it for him when he wasn't there. He would call up my house, demanding to speak to me. A lot of the time, I'd turn around and he'd be standing there, smiling at me. I'd cry a lot. Try to run. But he'd catch me and shove me. Then he'd touch me and tell me he liked me. I didn't understand why he'd do that. He moved away, after about 3-4 years. For a while, I felt safe. My friend made me secret facebook account and I gained a lot of friends. One day, some kid who as a grade below me started talking to me. He told me about how Christian was dating his older sister. I told him all these things, about how he should warn her. Something! I felt this urge to help her. To help him, too. But after about 2 years of just talking to this kid on facebook. I confronted him. He told me he didn't have a facebook. Didn't know what I was talking about. When I got home, I messaged him. Demanding to know who he really was. He revealed himself. Who he really was. And I found out it'd been Christian the whole time. I'd realised that for years, I'd fooled myself into thinking I was safe from him. But the entire time, he'd been there. Secretly watching. That even if he wasn't there in person, he could still make me feel like I did all those years ago. Weak. Helpless. And so f/cking afraid. I deactivated my facebook account. And then he started calling up my homline again. Swearing at me. Swearing at my family. I was afraid. He's stopped now. I haven't heard from him in almost 2 years now. But everytime the phone rings, I'm scared it's him. Everytime I meet a guy, I'm scared they'll do to me what Christian did. I'm just so scared. Lol, you can now see why I go counselling.
Being friends with attractive people when you are in no way "attractive" really sucks. Just seeing or hearing anything to do with them just destroys my self esteem. I love them, but can they just not be so perfect? D; f/ck being ugly.

I am what I am and you deserve better.

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3 Wittians like this

motz_ztom*

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