You wouldnt notice if someone really wanted to die or
not.
You wouldnt notice that when you look away from them they
stop smiling. You dont notice the way they become more controlled.
Their laugh is controlled, Their smile even smaller, fake. Maybe
every once in awhile you will catch them with this sad distant look
in their eyes. You will notice how they seem to just stare into
nothing, like their alone and completley gone. You probably
won't notice the way the slowly start to distant themselves,
they don't say as much. They stop telling you about themselves.
Maybe they make up excuses saying "Sorry I'am busy"
or "No I'am a little tired" and you will believe
them. You will make a joke that tears them, but they will laugh it
off. Every time. You may say something on accident "maybe you
should kill yourself" and they will laugh that off but inside
they feel like you actually meant it. No matter what, thats what
they think. Maybe if you paid more attention. Would you notice how
their skin became more covered up? They're wearing jackets when
its clearly hot out. Their hands are constantly pulling the sleeves
down more, trying to cover up their fingers to. They just dont want
to be seen, but its so subtle. Maybe you compliment them, their
answers become shorter. Just a simple "Thanks". Of course
they dont believe it, they think their all lies. Even though they
say it with a smile on their face, watch out for that empty look in
their eyes. Just pay attention to them. It's nearly impossible
to spot someone with self-hate, unless you're one of them.
But just never look away.