- Is this goodbye?
Hi
guys. Sorry for such a long post with no warning, but I really
just need to get this out, so maybe someone,
anyone, can understand. All it can do
is help. Because as cliche as it sounds, I have nothing to lose.
A few months ago, the sky grew darker. This happened because we
lost a star. That stars name was Jak. I lost somebody I never
knew I needed. The thought of us spending months, even years on
end not talking, brings me so much pain. That's mostly
because it happened. He was my band buddy. All through grade 7, 8
and 9(mostly 7 and 8). He understood me like noone else did. Then
in about May-June grade 9, I lost my mum. Another person I
thought I could live without, but I clearly became a messier mess
after her departure from this decayed planet. I was devestated.
My mum was the type of woman who would lead me one way, knowing I
would stray towards the other. She would force me to go to school
when she could. I went to school a few days after this happened,
and Jak, being who he is, came and asked the obvious 20
questions; Where were you. What happened. What's up with ya
Kohl girll. I couldn't answer. He was just too.. I can't
describe Jak as anything but Jak. He was his own kind of
perfection, in the least perfect ways possible. As it does, news
travelled fast. Word got around the school faster than I could
process it myself, and the hate came faster than I could take. It
was too many emotions. Some of them so new to me, that I
couldn't keep up. Why had all these people of which I'd
never dealt with before suddenly come out of the woodwork and
added in their 50 cents to this bank of pain. Back to Zak, he was
being himself. That's what hurts. Because I did this,
whatever the actual heck this is and is becoming, over him. Being
him. I don't even know what happened. I think he changed, but
I guess that was on me. Zak and I haven't spoken for over 12
months. How I am still here? Oh just ask the saviours who hide
out on this website, oh and Tam. But it's not enough. It was
just enough to get me to wherever I am. But not enough to save
me. I don't know where to go. I know there is a place for
everybody but what if I left my place and will never find my way
back. I wouldn't call this a goodbye, but I'm going to
stop writing quotes.. So thankyou for the two years that I have
been able to enjoy on here. Thanks for the memories, the laughs,
the good times, the good vibes, the friends and most certainly,
thankyou for taking me this far. It's been fun I
guess......
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