One Direction Update 6/27/14 11:55 PM EDT Hey everyone! So today

I'm so sorry, Jenny. I'm so sorry you've had a beyond-rough-week. Before I get to your past 4 days, let me first say that what you're feeling is okay. It's okay to feel the way you feel. Don't think you need to hide your emotions or change them. Never apologize for the way you feel. Okay so, now to your days. I think it's sweet that you still shop with your mom. Who cares how old you are? If you enjoy it, you should do it. :) Seeing this old crush of yours (who I do remember you mentioning) must have opened an old wound. A deep, deep wound. It's understandable to go back and think about those dark days. It's incredible how a smell or a face can bring back such strong memories, both good ones and bad ones. And I can't believe he came into the store again. And come on, your boss probably knows something. It's ridiculous of him to tell you he was there and not tell you anything he said. And said person's acting like a complete (insert strong word). You deserve closure. You deserve answers. You deserve a proper goodbye. After the crappy thing he did to you, he at least owes you a conversation. No sneaking around and making you paranoid. And the bracelet....ugh, he can't even give it to your face? No, scratch that, he shouldn't have ever given it back to you. You gave that to him, that was a d*amn nice thing of you to do. He just can't do this. He can't just ask you out, meet your family, ask you to wait a month, stalk you, and then indirectly give something to you that you gave him as a sign of your care for him. Jenny, we need a TFIOS moment...we need to egg his car. And pal, I get that this is hard. I certainly wasn't thinking, "She's upset about this? Really?" when I was reading this. This is s*hit. I know.
Jenny, nothing could scare me away from being your friend. Nothing at all. You could be a blood-sucking alien and I'd still want to be your friend. You can't get rid of me that easily. :) Usually when someone thinks they're depressed, they are. And if you think you are, you should tell your parents and consider seeing a therapist. Someone very close to me has depression. She sees a therapist every week, and she really is getting better. She gets all of those dark thoughts out of her mind and into the open air. She realizes them, accepts them, and faces them. If you'd like to, I think you should possibly try the same thing. Whoever they is (the people who don't believe how you feel), they should realize that no one fakes depression. You don't just wake up one morning and think, "What should I do today? Ooh, I should be depressed!" That's not how it works..that's not how it works at all. I understand how it's difficult to be a person who holds on for longer than most do. It can be so hard, especially with things like breakups and old scars. But it will also be a good thing. When you find Mr. Right, you are going to hold onto him tighter than most do. When you make new friends, you hold onto them tighter than most do. And not in a way that suffocates them, but in a way that lets them know that they are safe with you 100%. You are a very loyal person. And it's good to be loyal. The hope you have for the future isn't that you'll change one day and you'll be able to not care about anything; it's that you'll be able to cope well when disappointment comes your way. Not to mention the people in your future who will be so lucky to have someone around who cares so deeply about them. Like me. :) And I realize now that it was wrong of me to just tell you to get over him. It's never that simple. Especially with everything you have going on, I know it's not that simple. I'm sorry about that. I'm glad you shared this with me, Jenny. Hopefully, I'll be able to help you out and remind you of the hope you always have. There will be a point someday where this will be the past. Things always get better. Always. But until they do, allow yourself to be sad. Allow yourself to be angry, upset, scared. Most importantly, allow yourself to be happy. On August 4th, you should allow yourself to be overjoyed. :) 3 last tips of mine- 1. Think about your pile of things (things being everything you've got going in your life). Think about your rocks, the crappy struff, and your shining pieces of gold. When you start to get upset, think about one of your pieces of gold. This really could be anything. For instance, sometimes when I'm upset I'll just think of a little thing about Harry, like the way he rolls up his sleeves. I think about it for a while, and it usually leads to more pieces of gold. If this works for you, great, but if it doesn't explore some of your other healthy coping mechanisms. What makes you feel better? Throwing pillows? Hardcore dancing to music? Drawing? Whatever makes you happy, do it. 2. Listen to music. You probably have a lot great music to listen to. Listen to happy music. Songs that just make you happy for whatever reason. The boys have so many great songs to listen to when you're hurting- Little Things, Diana, Through the Dark, etc. I'd also recommend Ed Sheeran's cover of Who You Are and a song called The Sun is Rising by Britt Nicole. :) 3. Talk and/or write. Get your thoughts out there. You can speak to your parents, a therapist, me, or all of the above. Talking is a great thing. It helps us to see things in a different way and work towards hope. I'm always here to listen. Through all the crap, I always will be there to listen.x
Yeah, I mean, who wants to talk to an ax murderer? I don't think they'd be very good conversationalists. Hahaha, I'm sure he loved that! My aunt used to do that to my dad when he was little. :)
You're right, things couldn't get much crazier at this point. And I just could never see any of them snapping, you know? I can't see anything changing them fame-wise.
You know, I have never filled up an entire notebook. Never. I came close with a geometry notebook this year, but I purposely left the last page blank because I didn't want my first completed notebook to be about math. It's so cool that you've finished so many. What are most of them about?
No. No, no, no. Jenny, you have no need to feel guilty! THAT'S INCREDIBLE!!!!! Knowing that you're near the catwalk makes me feel better, actually! I'm so happy for you! Niall's going to be right in front of you! And trust me, you do deserve that. You're not taking anything away from me, you're just adding another piece of gold to my pile of things. :) I hope you feel like you can really celebrate now. :)
Thank you, you're so sweet! I always wore my hair up anyways, so I thought I might as well chop it all off! You look really lovely with your long hair, though. :) And yes, it was so good! My favorite parts were probably Amsterdam and all the little touches they had throughout the film. Do you know what I mean? Like how they'd hold hands or the night after the Anne Frank house. I loved it!
Ooh, that is a tough decision! And thank you for that picture of Harry, haha! He does like to try new headwear... :) Here's some gifs of our boys being bubbly and smiley and happy :) http://str8stylin.tumblr.com/post/90086339267/photoset_iframe/str8stylin/tumblr_mrq4mgA1qA1r3wk77/500/false

Thank you, that means the world. And yeah, I understand. Do you miss home when you're on long trips? Hmm...there are so many things to do, but it's so hard to list them, you know? Do you have a recreation center near you? If so, they have loads of stuff to do. You could also take walks or runs or bike rides to a neighborhood park or something. I love just popping in my headphones and doing that. You also have the big advantage of being able to drive. You can just go on long drives with the radio on or just drive anywhere and see what's going on there. You also could start saving up for a trip or something, so you could plan it and think about that. You could do crafty sort of things like scrapbook or maybe take college classes. Search out something, and I'm sure you'll find it. :)

That's so cool! For Niall, that would be a major plus!

Haha, yeah, I guess you could say that. We all love traveling, especially my mom and I. It would drive me crazy not to go on summer vacation. I just absolutely adore it. And you're parents sound like great people! I hope our parents get along really well, like we have! And yes, my mom's a teacher/lawyer/babysitter and my dad works as a maintenance manager for a Lutheran church. :)

(PS) You're very welcome, I love being here for you. I love you, too, and although I already have an older sister, you're like my other older sister, haha! :)
.x

Thank you so much for listening. I'm glad you get it. It is ridiculous that he's acted the way he has. I mean would it have been so hard to tell me straight up, "Hey Jen, before we get too serious I just want you to know that I don't know if I'm ready for a really serious relationship." or instead of promising me a month later we'd get back together he should have just come out and said that it was over. The false hope is just so cruel and cowardly. I would've definitely rather him say, "Hey, I liked the time we spent together but I don't see this going anywhere and I want to break up." Yeah it hurts but being led on makes it worse. But I'm coming to accept that I'm not ever going to get an apology and I'm never going to get answers from him. He doesn't have the ability because he's a coward and he always will be. And I'm starting to feel okay with that too. But I'd love to have a TFiOS moment and egg his car. I know where he lives so I could do it at like 3 AM. Want to help? And yeah seeing the other guy wasn't great either but that has been three years. The memories still sting but it's been enough time that I don't really feel sad anymore. Just a bit uncomfortable. But he goes to college over and hour away so during the school year he won't even be around.
Crap! You've found out my secret! I'm glad you'll still be my friend even though I'm a blood sucking alien! But in all seriousness I'm glad you understand how I am. I try to care as much as I can. I want to treat people the way I want to be treated. And yeah I've considered going to a therapist. I've gone to one in the past. I had anxiety issues in high school. I'm just trying to take some time right now to focus on the other things going on, the good things. I really like your tips and stuff. Some of it is actually stuff I already do. I like the idea of the gold and how you relate it to Harry. I like to think about the boys' faces when they are in one of those on stage moments at their shows. Like how Niall's face just lit up at Croke Park. Or the fact that Liam was reflecting on his X Factor journey today. But yeah I really do appreciate all of your ideas and stuff. I've already given some of it a try. I'm basically just trying to remember that life is too short to be ruining it over these bad things. Oh and don't worry about telling me to get over him. You didn't mean to be pushy and I know that. You were just trying to encourage me.
Aw you don't think you'd want to talk to an ax murderer? Everyone needs a friend you know! And that's really funny about your aunt and dad! I'm glad I had a sister and not a brother.
Yeah Where We Are now (pun intended) I can't see things getting any crazier. They're world famous. Unless we transmit their audio waves into space and the martians hear them. I don't think anything can touch them either!
That's good! I don't blame you for not wanting your first notebook to be filled with math. Math is very unfortunate to me. I almost didn't pass in 11th grade! And my notebooks are really specifically for anything. I just use them whenever I want to write something down, make lists or just draw or something. What about you?
Yeah I am really quite ecstatic. I just felt bad because I knew how much you wanted to be near the catwalk and being seat number 13 I never thought I would be near the catwalk. I figured I'd be somewhere in the middle of the row. But at the same time I'm just so overjoyed. Like I might actually be able to communicate with them in some way! Do you think I should try to give Niall that shirt now? I really want to! By the way that's another thing I want to bring to DC to show you! But the news about my seat definitely came at the right time. I really need to make sure I don't pee my pants this time!
Yeah I'm really curious to see your hair in person! Or you could send a picture. And thanks. I don't think I've had my hair really short like what you got since maybe I was 3 or 4 actually! But I imagine your hair must be great in the summer if it's warm. How warm does it get where you live? And I really liked the same parts you did! I know what you mean by little touches. Just all the sweet little moments made the movie great!
Yeah Harry never fails to amaze us with the things he put in his hair/on his head. And I really love those gifs! Don't you wish you could print those out and have the moving pictures on the wall? That would be so fun to have. Now we said a few days ago that any show without Narry is rare. This proves it! http://ashtoniwir.tumblr.com/post/90213833166

I don't really miss home that much when I'm away. At least not if I'm with my family. It's more when I'm alone I don't like to be away. And yeah those are actually some really good ideas. I can actually walk to the community center and park right from my development. When they built it, they made walking paths so I can just walk down my street, down a path and I'm there! And a few classes here and there don't sound bad either!

Yeah for Niall it might be number 1!

Yeah I ever since I've known you, you've mentioned a lot of cool trips you've gone on! And that's right! I remember you saying that's what your parents did. Your mom sounds like a busy lady! How does she have time to do all of that?!

Thanks xx :)