MENDING BROKEN THINGS
-My dad's journal writtings.
It was late spring, Tegan's headstone hadn't yet arrived
and each day was getting a little warmer than the day before. It
had only been a few months since I lost my son and my soul was
still dizzy with grief. Quietly, I was grateful for the warmer
days because the cold winter air carried with it vivid memories
of the bitter cold morning my dear son was leaving our house for
the last time. I will write of that experience soon.
So, on this spring afternoon Aubree asked if I'd take her to
see Tegan and I told her I'd be glad to. Just then she dashed
into Tegan's room to grab something. A minute later she came
back with one of her brother's favorite family picture and
said, "okay, let's go". As we arrived at the
cemetery I was curious what Aubree had in mind so I gave her some
space and said, "Take your time sweetheart, I'll be
nearby."
With that, she handed me Tegan's favorite family picture and
gave me a soft grin, a confident nod, then sat on the grass and
started talking to her older brother. I could faintly hear
Aubree's young voice as she told her missing brother summer
was around the corner, school was quickly coming to an end and a
little about the movies she and Tegan wanted to see. Aubree
told Tegan about some of the new friends she made throughout the
year and how her teacher was so kind to her when she cried in
class because she missed him. Aubree continued to tell her
brother about the tree Tegan's friends and classmates planted
in his honor.
It was a tender thing to see my youngest daughter struggling to
sort things out. I sat in the distance and cried as I overheard
Aubree tell Tegan how much she loved and missed him. I cried
because I missed my Tegan with all my heart; I cried also because
my youngest daughter was in pain, too.
The protective father in me was tempted to sweet Aubree away...
to try and distract her from the harsh realities of life. But I
knew that would not help my daughter learn how to deal with hard
things. For life is full of hard things and if I'm to pass on
something, I want it to be a knowledge of how to weather the
storms of life. For if there if one thing we can be sure of, it
is we'll all come to know hardship... we're all going to
get broken in one way or another.
In this moment I realized my responsibility as a loving father
wasn't to keep my daughter from breaking or being hurt, for
that is impossible... but rather to teach my daughter how to mend
broken things. I wanted Aubree to understand true strength
isn't seen in pretending to be unbreakable but in having the
courage to make broken things strong.
This is the thing I pray to teach my daughter; there are
always broken things to mend - but if she's wise, she
will seek Heaven's help and find the strength of a
million men.
Though I am also broken, I seek after the very things of
which I have spoken.