I
haven't sat down to write in quite a long time, not even a
single post on facebook. My silence hasn't been completely by
choice, just a lack of personal inspiration and yes, desire; it
definitely was time.
Over the last month, I've had a chance to put pen and paper; I was expecting to write a design column, or even better, a love letter. Well, scratch off the love letter idea; Cupid's arrow hasn't flown in my direction for some time.
What I wrote down on that piece of paper was not what I had intended. The thoughts running through my head were much deeper than any design column I've ever written, but they did lead me in the direction of that love letter; apparently a much needed one to myself.
Over the last month, I've had a chance to put pen and paper; I was expecting to write a design column, or even better, a love letter. Well, scratch off the love letter idea; Cupid's arrow hasn't flown in my direction for some time.
What I wrote down on that piece of paper was not what I had intended. The thoughts running through my head were much deeper than any design column I've ever written, but they did lead me in the direction of that love letter; apparently a much needed one to myself.
Dear
Aubree,
Where have you been, and what took away your bright spirit? You are paralyzed by some self-created fear, but only you can determine what that fear is. You have lived your life determined to be "good enough" for everyone; what happened to being good enough for yourself?
You deeply believe that coming to the aid of others is what God requires from you; have you ever thought of coming to your own aid? And always hiding behind that smile, making sure everyone around you is happy and having them believe that you are too; with whom do you share the real Aubree, no on. How do you think that makes your family and friends feel? They want to be there for you, as you have been for them.
Do you honestly think that if you say "no" to unrealistic requests or demands, that you will lose the respect of that person? Well, by always saying "yes" you lost your self respect. When will you ever give yourself permission to fail at something? The price you are paying to succeed is costing you more than any failure ever could. Living a life isolating yourself from internalized fears is not going to change on its own. Find the courage to step back into your true self and "live authentically", as you preach to others. Never lose faith that love will find you again; but first you have to be willing to open yourself up to being vulnerable, trust your heart to lead you.
Lastly, please laugh again, you were always the life of the party! The strength of laugher is stronger than any medication you could ever be prescribed.
I miss you!
Love, Aubree.
Where have you been, and what took away your bright spirit? You are paralyzed by some self-created fear, but only you can determine what that fear is. You have lived your life determined to be "good enough" for everyone; what happened to being good enough for yourself?
You deeply believe that coming to the aid of others is what God requires from you; have you ever thought of coming to your own aid? And always hiding behind that smile, making sure everyone around you is happy and having them believe that you are too; with whom do you share the real Aubree, no on. How do you think that makes your family and friends feel? They want to be there for you, as you have been for them.
Do you honestly think that if you say "no" to unrealistic requests or demands, that you will lose the respect of that person? Well, by always saying "yes" you lost your self respect. When will you ever give yourself permission to fail at something? The price you are paying to succeed is costing you more than any failure ever could. Living a life isolating yourself from internalized fears is not going to change on its own. Find the courage to step back into your true self and "live authentically", as you preach to others. Never lose faith that love will find you again; but first you have to be willing to open yourself up to being vulnerable, trust your heart to lead you.
Lastly, please laugh again, you were always the life of the party! The strength of laugher is stronger than any medication you could ever be prescribed.
I miss you!
Love, Aubree.
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