" I should hate you. I should. I should hate you for forgetting
should hate you.
I should. I should hate you for forgetting my birthday two
years in a row.
I should hate you because the way you scream at me when
you’re drunk straight up terrifies me.
I should hate you because you call me at 2:30 AM wishing for
her, whispering her name over the phone in my ear.
I should hate you because you’re never on time.
I should hate the way you grip my wrist and refuse to let me go
when you’re angry and you’ve got too many pills in
your system, the way you get the blood pounding in my ears.
I should hate you because you said you hated me at midnight and
by 4 AM you were begging for me to give you another chance, to
love you again.
I should hate you because you knew I never stopped, you knew
I’d come back.
Goddamit, I always come back to you. Even though I don’t
want to. I can never just walk away from you, from this, from
us. We are a god damn mess, we are a catastrophe, we are a
hurricane. I can’t live without you, but I can’t
breathe around you, either. I can’t fall in love with
anyone else and I can’t be in love with you. This will
kill me. This will break my heart.
This will never end. It would be so much easier if I hated you.
But I can’t. I can’t; I love you too much.