Funny Quote #7026118
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The fastest land mammal is the teenager who sees mom pulling

The fastest land mammal is the teenager who sees mom pulling in the driveway and realizes that they forgot to do some chores.

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mysterious.mah

posted December 12, 2014 at 12:11am UTC tagged with funny, inspirational, friendship, quote

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a lot of my life has been realizing that i would cross oceans for people who wouldn't jump puddles for me
A white m&m comes into a room with candy friends. White m&m: ~engages conversation with a mentos and jellybean~ Jellybean: Hey so where are you from anyway, white m&m? White m&m: Oh I'm from that chocolate m&m bag over there! Jellybean: Wait... if you're from a CHOCOLATE m&m bag, then why are you white?? Mentos: OH MY GOD JELLYBEAN, YOU CAN'T JUST ASK CANDIES WHY THEY'RE WHITE
How roll call will go in the future: Teacher: Welcome to class students! Please say 'here' when I call your name. Teacher: Albus Albus: Here! Teacher: Doctor Doctor: Oh, yes, um, hello. I can't talk at the moment, time's gone wibbly. Probably leave a message at the tone or something. Teacher: Um... okay? Hermione Hermione: Yes, I'm here! And when's our first test? I've been studying all Summer and- Red-headed boy in class: Oh my god, Hermione, shut up! Teacher: And you must be Ron! Okay then, Primrose Primrose: Here Random girl in back of class: I VOLUNTEER!!! Teacher: And I see Katniss has made it today as well, welcome. Blonde boy: Katniss is here?! Yes! Her Katniss, try this bread I baked this morning! Brunette boy: Oh, you'd better keep your hands off her! She's my best friend! We go hunting together! Teacher: Peeta! Gale! Stop fighting over Katniss and sit down. Teacher: Rory Doctor: Oh, Rory died yesterday, ma'am. But he should be back again tomorrow. Teacher: Oh...kay? And lastly, Draco. Draco: I'm LAST?! My father will hear about this!
i'm seriously considering filling my pockets with glitter and whenever someone near me says something really stupid or rude, i'll just reach into my pocket with a dead expression and realease the glitter into the sky above their head and watch it shower over them like a baptism of stupid.