I have not been on here in 8 months. 8 long months. How have

I have not been on here in 8 months. 8 long months. How have i been ? Horrible. Im worse than i ever was before and i see no intent on getting better. There is no hope. My eating disorder is bad again. My depression is at its worst. Suicidal thoughts are extremely bad and the temptation is at its highest. Its been this way for a very very long time now. All i can do is hope i get better..