Why do I have this gut feeling that this is just history repeating itself?...oh wait, maybe because it is. I can't help feeling annoyed at myself for not seeing this sooner. I mean, I should be used to this the third time round. No one close ever stays around long enough. It's liked grade five, then eight and now eleven. I lose a really close friend and it sucks. So bad. I know she's saying we're going to keep in touch, but that's what they all say, and were far from in touch. If we crossed paths again, the only exchange would be awkward glances. I guess the main reason I feel so conflicted is that a part of me...dare I say it, is happy she's leaving. I know it sound terrible and I feel terrible just writing but that's how I feel. She's the one all those bitter quotes we're about. She's the one who made me feel less and was so unbelievably self centred. But I don't want her to leave. At least not just yet. And what makes this whole thing worse is that everytime I catch myself thinking about her leaving, I'm not thinking about the memories we've made and losing a friend...no I'm thinking about how I'll be lonely in my English class, and how now I'll surely have the highest overall score at the end of school. So maybe I was wrong to call her out for being a bad friend, maybe were just as bad as each other.
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xxyeyaxx*
8 years ago
No, don't feel bad. I am sure we thought a thing or two about the people who made our lives miserable. And don't beat yourself up for it. I will say is, do what you please. If you want to contact her, then contact her. If you want things to be contacted free, then let it be. I know how it is not having a friend in class. Its boring and a little sad but we can always make new friends. Question, are you secretly jealous or envious of her? And no you don't have to respond to that, but think about it though and maybe that is another reason to why you are exited for her leave. And no, I do not think you're a bad friend and no you're not as bad as each other.
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Dudu*
8 years ago
I feel like I've just seen a shrink. You've given me something to think about. xx
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