You keep trying to make yourself stop loving him. I can
see it in the way you get lost in another boy so quickly, then
seem somewhat relieved when it doesn't work out. I see it in the
way your hands begin to shake and your words come out slower and
stop making any sense when he walks by. I see it in your eyes
when you ask me if I think he'll notice you stopped texting him.
It's not healthy, and it's not making you love him any less. All
you're doing is shooting arrows into your heart while dreaming
that they will land in his. They don't. Stop telling yourself
that you're okay with the fact that he's ignoring your existance.
Stop punishing yourself. Stop feeling like you can't love
yourself simply because he wouldn't stay long enough to love you.
Get your a.ss out of bed, watch a movie with your friends without
stopping to look for him amount the crowd. Buy yourself that
Victoria's Secret underwear set you spent so long hinting to him
that he should buy for you. You are not the feelings he left you
with. You are as beautiful and rock solid as you were the Tuesday
before he waltzed into your life and made you feel like he was
the universe spinning in circles around you. You have spent too
long running through your maze of a mind in which you've placed
the image of his laugh on every corner. You can just as easily
make an escape and get the he.ll out of there. Set yourself free.
You do not need his affection in order to let yourself breath
steadily. You are the earth and the moon and the sky, and he is
nothing but an apple tree. Just remember not to plant another
spoiled apple seed.
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