Hieuminhnguyen Quote #7068741
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Quote #7068741

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justkiddiing

posted September 2, 2016 at 6:32am UTC tagged with hieuminhnguyen, hosting, quote

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What do you do when your entire healing process feels like the beginning of a murder ballad? I realized that what he had done was not right in the middle of the night in some faraway June. I somehow fell asleep after that. Woke up the next morning, the floor below me trembling, a kitchen knife in my hand for a split second. There isn’t a way for me to be honest and tell you I haven’t ever wanted revenge at the same time. I do remember his full name, but I do not say it out loud. I scrubbed any evidence of him out of me, and now I reek of Good Survivor. I am not supposed to fantasize about dropping a lit match in his jeans. I am not supposed to have imagined my fist lodged in his Adam’s Apple. So what does that make me? On his level?  Too angry? A girl in a song only preparing herself to be left in the water? But I don’t think I’m as hungry as I’m making myself out to be. The truth is: if I ever saw him on the street, I would cross to the other side and hide myself in the nearest shop. That doesn’t mean I still haven’t woken up every morning thinking God has left a weapon in my hand in hopes of the river inside of me finally flooding.
it hapened when I was young still developing as they call it so it's easy to take it as blame to take my trauma and name it my creator, my genisis because it has made me the strong woman I am today, right? made me survivor. made me miserable to be honest made me crazy. Made me say no to drinks and parties and men made me mad, made me vengeful made me the match to the gasoline the lade in the river, overflowing too much rain mostly it made me scared of dark and men and myself of power, of currency, of expectations broke me, really broke me and made me stand up without feet made me walk and run without feet made fun of me as I fell without feet until I walked, and then grew feet then made me strong. Made me survivor made me example of survivor good survivor I would have walked if I never lost my feet I would have been strong regardless there is no creator but myself I had to learn again to lose the mad and gain compassion to become the flower instead of the dager the smile instead of the punch but I got there regardless