Decisions Quote #7069885
all quotes · decisions · bodylove · alwaysinrecovery · quote ·

i used to take so long thinking about what clothes i wanted to

i used to take so long thinking about what clothes i wanted to wear for the day, but now the process is so much quicker
nothing has changed about it, except that ive gotten used to it
the polls between the left and right side of my brain,
how do i feel today? about my gender? about my weight? shape?
how to i want to portray myself? am i tough? weak?
am i confident enough to wear tight jeans?
or am i homesick...and wear loose jeans?
lastly do i have open scars? will the red bleed through?
do i want it to bleed through? where am i going today, do i want them to notice and ask if i'm okay?
are they almost healed? will not ruining a pair of jeans be just enough motivation for me to not pick at it?

these are the questions i have grown used to. it's like answering the questions at the hospital. the same ones, over...and over...and over...
you grow used to automatically checking boxes, knowing exactly where everything is on the symptoms sheet...
hardly even throwing a second glance, but still never missing the mark. this is life in my head, and whether i like it or not,
the automatic questionnaire will run, and my brain will answer. i dont think about it too much consciously, but when i do, it scares me.
i automatically reach for the jeans that my brain has decided on...and now it's time to pick a shirt.

10 Comments

jahn79* 7 years ago
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If I get distracted just poke me ... Pull my Ponh tail ... Something ...
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jahn79* 7 years ago
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I love your posts
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crimson24 7 years ago
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well winter is a-comin' so there will probably be more of them. my brain has been quite the playground of rollercoaster sickness, suicide sundays, mundane mondays, and the bittersweetness of fall...
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jahn79* 7 years ago
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But what shirt did you wear? Dont you hate those stories where they leave you hanging?
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crimson24 7 years ago
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lol next quote dear
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jahn79* 7 years ago
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Very heart felt. Feeling your pain but not knowing . Maybe knowing too much. Is it a curse or a blessing I cannot tell. Perhaps a gift of understanding.
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crimson24 7 years ago
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damn i love this place
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jahn79* 7 years ago
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Yes heartfelt with many tears
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jahn79* 7 years ago
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Heart stopping ... Breath holding ... Quietly screaming NO .... I'm screaming at me .. hoping for you
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crimson24 7 years ago
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i dont fully understand this comment...but i know it is heart felt...whatever meaning this holds for you...
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4 Wittians like this

Miluiel*ReallyweirdguyY0UNGL0V3MURD3Rjahn79*

crimson24

posted October 12, 2016 at 3:47pm UTC tagged with decisions, bodylove, alwaysinrecovery, quote

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