As of late, i seem to not be able to remember
who I am, Not a a person, but as a spirit. Those who i left my
trust and faith in have been seeming to dim. The lights from my
life, slowing fading from existance. People always tell me that im
important and that i matter a lot to them. It doesnt seem like it.
It seems more and more painful. Honestly, i seem to be hating
myself for it as well. Like it my fault for this. Ive come to terms
with this before. Although it gets worse each time it happens. So
far worse that ive been reverting back to my previous stages in
life. When i didnt have friends. It doesnt appear like i have
friends. My "friends" say that they care about
me.
I think about why i should even bother. I feel like im losing. Like there is no point in trying to even live my life. But everytime i do i feel dead. I have this selfhatred, that seems to be boiling like a pool of hot blood fresh from my dying body. I cant even see into my eyes anymore. Into my very soul.
Do i even have my soul?
It just feels like this empty void that is just circulating in my body. Not knowing what to do. Wether to wake up or stay dormant, ill never know.
Maybe one day ill be able to solve the mystery of how i truly died. Not a corpse but as a living husk that just walks around for days, months, even years. I remember when i used to laugh, about nothing at all it was better than going mad. But now i cant solve any problems i have. I just cant live on like this anymore. I want to try being better than i already am but everyone keeps pushing me down. Like im not important, Some people barely remember my own name. I barely get to remember my own name. I rarely get to hear it anymore.
My name is.....
I think about why i should even bother. I feel like im losing. Like there is no point in trying to even live my life. But everytime i do i feel dead. I have this selfhatred, that seems to be boiling like a pool of hot blood fresh from my dying body. I cant even see into my eyes anymore. Into my very soul.
Do i even have my soul?
It just feels like this empty void that is just circulating in my body. Not knowing what to do. Wether to wake up or stay dormant, ill never know.
Maybe one day ill be able to solve the mystery of how i truly died. Not a corpse but as a living husk that just walks around for days, months, even years. I remember when i used to laugh, about nothing at all it was better than going mad. But now i cant solve any problems i have. I just cant live on like this anymore. I want to try being better than i already am but everyone keeps pushing me down. Like im not important, Some people barely remember my own name. I barely get to remember my own name. I rarely get to hear it anymore.
My name is.....
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