I have so many friends. So many best friends too. When I was

I have so many friends. So many best friends too. When I was younger, I would have been so happy. I was so lonely. But even with all these people around me...I'm still lonely. And not in the poetic "I'm so lonesome" sort of way. In the "I hate feeling like I have no one to talk to when I'm surrounded by people" sort of way. The type of lonely, where everyone has known you for so long. They have these expectations. I can't let them see these sides of me. It's stupid of me to withhold their standards. But it's hard to hear the "you've changed" monologue. Because I haven't. I've just never trusted this aspect of myself over to them. And it's not some rare Jewel that everyone's dying to see, it's just messy. Having your own internal issues isn't something I want to share, but I know I need to. So I'll make new friends. I pray they can see through me.