While I was taking off my clothes, I felt the cloud. I
took off my shirt and my socks and got in shower. When I was in
the shower, I felt the cloud getting closer. I know it wanted to
drown me. It made me want it to. I felt you behind me and it was
like a knife...its blade made me shiver. I put my face in the
water and my heart was breaking and I saw myself when I looked at
the bottom of the tub and I watched the water go down the drain
and I turned into darkness...like a liquid cloud...and I mixed
with the water...and I turned gray...and I washed away down the
drain...and I wanted it. The cloud made me remember the first
time it came...and every time it came...and I realized I dont
know who I am. And now I never will. I will never get the chance.
I gave up knowing myself alone...to always be with you...but
thats not why I cried. I felt so exposed when you looked at me
and I hated it... and I hate that I hated it..because every time
you look at me I just want to feel loved...but the cloud made me
feel like everything is wrong. The cloud makes me think that I
should be the darkness and turn into gray and wash down the
drain...and it makes me want to never get out of bed or brush my
hair and it makes my eyes red and it makes my throat hurt and it
makes my heart break and I cant breathe… and really I dont know
why...and it sometimes goes away….and then it always comes
back. It doesnt make sense but thats what it feels like when I
feel the cloud....it wraps me up in its blanket to keep me close
so no one else can touch me… and when someone else does...it
feels like the knife.......and this is my life.