Recovery Quote #7076074
all quotes · recovery · conquerthanksgiving · quote ·

celebrating little things as they come because a cumulative celebration

celebrating little things as they come because a cumulative celebration is never big enough

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crimson24

posted November 25, 2017 at 12:26am UTC tagged with recovery, conquerthanksgiving, quote

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Two weeks cut free. I've never felt so proud of myself.
I've gained about twenty five pounds since midway through last year and I'm a healthy weight now, and sure my tummy isn't flat like it used to be and my thighs touch, but I FINALLY HAVE BOOBS AND A REALLY NICE BUTT SO SCREW YOU
You think that everything would be better without you, correct? You’re utterly convinced that no one needs you, right? Right now, I want you to go to your special hiding place and get your knife, your blade, your lighter; whatever tool you’ve spent countless nights battling, turning to for some type of comfort. Now, I want you to hold that tool. I want you to feel the weight of it within your palm. Feel the coldness against your warm skin. Now, picture this: your mother, going to your room to wake you up, only to find your corpse on the ground, surrounded by your own blood. Can you hear it now? The shrieks of terrors, the uncontrollably sobbing. Can you hear it now? Then, your father comes running to your room, finding your mother, his wife, clutching your limp body (his precious baby); screaming to the heavens, desperately wishing that she would just wake up from this nightmare. He runs to her, pulling her away from your body, shielding her away from the horror. He bites his tongue, holding back the sobs. An hour later, they’ve collected the body and your mother hasn’t moved from the couch, blankly staring into space; still waiting, hoping, praying that she’ll wake up from this nightmare. Your farther is in the other room, sobbing silently; the same man who you never once saw cry, broken down. Still believe your life means nothing? Now picture your sibling, your sister, your brother, getting called to the office; their teacher telling them it’s an emergency. Your parents are there, your mother is crying, your father is holding her shaking body. Your sibling is confused, frightened. They tell them the news, and the teacher has to catch them before they fall to the ground. It was just last night you two were bickering over what movie to watch. It was just last night they heard your laugh, saw your smile. It was just last night. When they tell your best friend, they break down; you two were supposed to see a movie that weekend. You two were going to get pizza; now you’re gone, and they’re left alone to fight their own demons. It’s been one month. Your door remains closed, no one dares to go in there. Your mother has shut down, not knowing how to go on. She cries herself to sleep every night. Blaming herself for not telling you how much she loves you. Your father goes through the motions, but some nights, he has a little too much whiskey, hoping to numb the pain that seems to have settled on his chest. Your sibling has gone silent, turning to the knife to deal with the pain that has taken over them. Almost ever night, they break down, punching the ground, screaming your name to the heavens. Your best friend goes out every night, drinking to forget the ache in their chest. Just one more glass of vodka to forget, even for a little while. And where are you? You’re six feet under the ground, rotting away silently. While everyone you loved, who loved you, is continuing their lives—but there’s a void in their a hearts, a space where you once lived in. Did you know that you’re the reason your best friend didn’t kill them self? Did you know that you were your sibling’s best friend? Your parents’ pride and joy? The light of everyone’s lives. No, because you were blinded by your sadness; you let the darkness win. Don’t let the darkness win. Put the tool down, you’re needed elsewhere. (DS)
Tomorrow I will be 2 weeks cut free. That might not sound like much.. but I haven't lasted more than 3 days in the past 4 months until now. For once, I'm proud of myself.