It's not my parent's fault but i always felt like
i grew up too fast. I don't really have a childhood that is
nice to look back at. Nothing particularly sad happened. I had
good times i'm sure, but if i were to pick a certain time i
wouldn't be able to. For the most part, i think it came down
to the fact that I never had time to be selfish.
By the time i was two there was already a new baby on the way. I wasn't a forgotten child or anything. To this day i still feel very loved by my family. But i don't know how else to put it. I never got the chance to be selfish over anything. I never questioned sharing, and if something was taken away and no longer mine, i always had to make myself feel okay about it. i never felt the stong need to defend myself in any argument. I didn't place any importance on what anyone else thought was right. Even if i felt wronged, i was never resilient. Even if i was being bullied, i always thought "oh, the bully must have it worse since they feel the need to take it out on me." I think that's a mature thought process that I wish i never had when i was so young.
I wish i wasn't as compassionate or empathetic. I would have made wholesome friends much earlier on, stood up to the bullies and had a happy childhood to look back at. My emotional intelligence grew much earlier on than i would have liked it to. I don't know. Obviously it's shaped me into who i am today...but i'm still not too sure how i feel about that yet.
By the time i was two there was already a new baby on the way. I wasn't a forgotten child or anything. To this day i still feel very loved by my family. But i don't know how else to put it. I never got the chance to be selfish over anything. I never questioned sharing, and if something was taken away and no longer mine, i always had to make myself feel okay about it. i never felt the stong need to defend myself in any argument. I didn't place any importance on what anyone else thought was right. Even if i felt wronged, i was never resilient. Even if i was being bullied, i always thought "oh, the bully must have it worse since they feel the need to take it out on me." I think that's a mature thought process that I wish i never had when i was so young.
I wish i wasn't as compassionate or empathetic. I would have made wholesome friends much earlier on, stood up to the bullies and had a happy childhood to look back at. My emotional intelligence grew much earlier on than i would have liked it to. I don't know. Obviously it's shaped me into who i am today...but i'm still not too sure how i feel about that yet.
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xxyeyaxx*
5 years ago
Sounds like my diary, so I completely understand because it is similar to mine. Though, cherish the trait of compassion that you carry. For say, this is rare and not a lot of people have empathy in their hearts. Your ability to comprehend and love makes a difference to someone, you may not know it but you will some day and you will be happy for who you're. Never change. Stay true and happy to yourself. And remember that you're loved.
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