i like being alive. well i don't like like it but i'm
i like being alive. well i don't
like like it but i'm doing it at least. it comes in waves. my
feelings and thoughts they change like anyone elses. for a while i
held myself up to an impossible standard. i didn't let myself
cry. that changed when i couldn't go one day without crying.
protip; if ur sad, just cry. you sleep a little better too. when my
world was ending i thought i was so rational. i remember thinking
to myself; everyday of your life is going to be this bad so
what's the point. it's scary how level headed i thought i
was. because it did make sense at the time. then every new day was
as bad as the last. and even when i had an alright day -- it was
just that, it was never good. it was just alright. the alright days
were rare and i didn't see the point of living through the
worst days just to feel alright. i'm better now. i'll
probably have another slump soon, that's just how i am. but at
least i know now. i can't trick myself into thinking i know how
my life will be. if it's gonna be a long depressing life then
i'll just have to wait and see how depressing that ish can get.
i can't know for sure. just gotta do it. a soul was breathed
into me, it's still breathing. this heart is still beating. i
can't give up even one second before it does (otherwise that
would be super depressing).