I really thought I was ready
I thought I was ready for "love."
After all, what did movies show me
"love" was? They told me it was
this great feeling which made two
people inseperable and happy and
gave them butterflies and made all
their problems go away. That's
what I thought love was. I didn't
realize how horrible it is. It's wanting
something you can't have so much
that it hurts. It's not being able
to think about anyone else, even when
there is something really important
that you should be worrying about.
It's being absolutely and positively
sure that you need someone to hold
you, never let go, and take you to
somewhere beautiful. It's knowing
that your heart can't take much more
of anything without that person. It's
looking at your empty hands and
suddenly feeling like you've lived
a pointless life. It's worrying about
things you never cared about before
and those same things don't matter
to the other person anyway. It's
wishing they would look you straight
in the eyes and seeing how much you
need them, and them needing you
back. It's those stupid butterflies
that last for as long as your heart
holds the memories you two shared.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
And it always ends one of two ways.
Option One: finding out that they
don't care about you, and you're
actually unimportant to them. After
that you suffer from heartbreak,
embarrassment, and now it's your
problem to find someone new because
that's the only possible way you can
move on. Option Two: getting together
with them, having all of the things
you thought you wanted, but not
feeling the results you expected.
Eventually things end and everything's
awkward, your heart is broken,
and you lose all hope. You blame him
but you blame yourself. It's
so unbearable that not even ice
cream and music and your best
friends can help for weeks afterwards.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
so maybe you make new memories
in the middle, and maybe you'll
find a friend along the way, but
if I have to go through all of that
to get there, I think I'd rather just
go without it at all. I'll survive,
I have my friends, and I don't need
that pain on my shoulder right now or ever.
Anyway, I'll be fine alone.
I thought I was ready for "love."
After all, what did movies show me
"love" was? They told me it was
this great feeling which made two
people inseperable and happy and
gave them butterflies and made all
their problems go away. That's
what I thought love was. I didn't
realize how horrible it is. It's wanting
something you can't have so much
that it hurts. It's not being able
to think about anyone else, even when
there is something really important
that you should be worrying about.
It's being absolutely and positively
sure that you need someone to hold
you, never let go, and take you to
somewhere beautiful. It's knowing
that your heart can't take much more
of anything without that person. It's
looking at your empty hands and
suddenly feeling like you've lived
a pointless life. It's worrying about
things you never cared about before
and those same things don't matter
to the other person anyway. It's
wishing they would look you straight
in the eyes and seeing how much you
need them, and them needing you
back. It's those stupid butterflies
that last for as long as your heart
holds the memories you two shared.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
And it always ends one of two ways.
Option One: finding out that they
don't care about you, and you're
actually unimportant to them. After
that you suffer from heartbreak,
embarrassment, and now it's your
problem to find someone new because
that's the only possible way you can
move on. Option Two: getting together
with them, having all of the things
you thought you wanted, but not
feeling the results you expected.
Eventually things end and everything's
awkward, your heart is broken,
and you lose all hope. You blame him
but you blame yourself. It's
so unbearable that not even ice
cream and music and your best
friends can help for weeks afterwards.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
so maybe you make new memories
in the middle, and maybe you'll
find a friend along the way, but
if I have to go through all of that
to get there, I think I'd rather just
go without it at all. I'll survive,
I have my friends, and I don't need
that pain on my shoulder right now or ever.
Anyway, I'll be fine alone.
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