Best Awkward Quotes Today




a lot of my life

has been realizing that i would

cross oceans

for people who wouldn't

jump puddles for me



 
oh my god guys i'm in a cafe on my own and this massive group of popular guys i know just walked in

i could say hi but im sitting at a table with a laptop and a plate of food the size of asia

i'm actually making a quote just so i look like i'm doing something, not just sitting here a loser. because i am sitting here like a loser

one of them's walking over in my direction help abort mission abort mission
...
...
he said hey and i was too socially awkward to admit i'm here alone so i said my friends are in the bathroom
which they're not.
because they don't exist.
because they're not real.

i can't just walk out now that'd be too obvious
please tell me they're getting coffee to go or something

JESUS THEY GOT A TABLE RIGHT NEXT TO MINE
WHY IS MY LIFE THE WAY MY LIFE IS

i need to leave right now before they realise i lied about the friends
but i have a coffee
and it's caramel flavoured
and also i have a pie and some chocolate cake
don't judge me, i eat like twelve grown men

why do bad things happen to good people?

maybe i could take the coffee and leave?

...no it's not takeaway so I'd get arrested for stealing the cup
help help help help help
i wish i could make TARDIS noises and disappear but no
i'm not a time machine
i wish i  was a time machine.

abort abort abort


 
So I get home and there's this random guy on my couch and he's like "Alright, I don't want to hurt you. Just put your stuff down and get on the ground. I just want your money." And I almost had a heart attack. I was like, "OMG, please no I don't have any money. I'm too young to die." Then he was like, "Nah man, I'm just messin with you. I'm your brothers friend. He's in the shower, I'm just waiting for him." 

That guy is a genius....
 



me: *pulls up blanket and punches self in face*
me: *trips and falls over own feet*
me: *leans chair too far back and loses balance*
me: *trips up the stairs*
me: *uncoordinated arm movements while running*
me: *plays with pen in class, pen flies out of hand*
me: *pokes self in eye while applying mascara*

 
*When I'm on Omegle*

Stranger: 19, male, England, looking for older women.
Me: Harry, get off Omegle.


seeing

cute and put-together 12 and 13 year olds
gets me so angry
they’re supposed to be awkward
with bad haircuts
they’re supposed to suffer the same way i did


 

Shoutout to the kid that whispers 
the answer 

to you when the teacher calls on you but you weren’t paying attention







I wonder if clouds ever look
down on us and say "Hey look, that one is shaped like an idiot".







 
How roll call will go in the future:

Teacher: Welcome to class students! Please say 'here' when I call your name.
Teacher: Albus
Albus: Here!
Teacher: Doctor
Doctor: Oh, yes, um, hello. I can't talk at the moment, time's gone wibbly. Probably leave a message at the tone or something.
Teacher: Um... okay? Hermione
Hermione: Yes, I'm here! And when's our first test? I've been studying all Summer and-
Red-headed boy in class: Oh my god, Hermione, shut up!
Teacher: And you must be Ron! Okay then, Primrose
Primrose: Here
Random girl in back of class: I VOLUNTEER!!!
Teacher: And I see Katniss has made it today as well, welcome.
Blonde boy: Katniss is here?! Yes! Her Katniss, try this bread I baked this morning!
Brunette boy: Oh, you'd better keep your hands off her! She's my best friend! We go hunting together!
Teacher: Peeta! Gale! Stop fighting over Katniss and sit down.
Teacher: Rory
Doctor: Oh, Rory died yesterday, ma'am. But he should be back again tomorrow.
Teacher: Oh...kay? And lastly, Draco.
Draco: I'm LAST?! My father will hear about this!









Unless you physically see me
opening a tampon, don't just assume that because I'm angry, I'm on my period because that's just annoying and tonight when you're sleeping, I will "just assume" you are dead and bury you in the backyard.





 



 
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