Be the
cowgirl boots
in a world full of
regular shoes
.....
Everyone says you learn the most from your first love.
They're the person you tell people about years after it's over because when you look back, you see how much you leared.
However, what happens when you put your first love and chronic anxiety in a room together? For me, denial ensued 2 years and 8 months of it, to be exact.
At first, it was great, as every new romance is. Every morning, I woke up happy and could not wait to talk to him and see him. Everything was great, right until the honeymoon phase ended and the comfort stage began.
My first love happened to be my first relationship, and for me, the end of the honeymoon phase sent me into fight or flight mode.
Why was he texting less? Were other girls more interesting to him? Why does he never ask to hang out anymore? Why does he have tinder now?
Every day, analyzing his ever move absorbed my life and bombarded my brain.
I didn't want to be one of those girls who overanalyzed everything, but I felt as if I was going insane. I felt as if I could have become a Victoria Secret model or the next Mark Zuckerberg and he still wouldn't have cared.
So, like anyone who suffers anxiety and is tryingto make a relationship work, I took it upon myself to go seek professional help for $20 an hour at my college's mental health clinic. I was told my thoughts were normal and I should start exercising more to rid myself of the anxiety. I should try and go to bed earlier and I should adopt a healthier lifestyle. I should give him a space when he's angry and not pressure him to do anything.
I was paying $20 an hour for a woman to tell me I should completely change who I am so my anxiety would subside. And, at the time, I thought this was a great idea.
Maybe, if I bought him a $200 briefcase, he would send me a good morning text.
Maybe, if I tookk him back for the third time, he wouldn't walk out of my apartment again when I told him I loved him.
I woke up every single day full of anxiety because something just didn't feel right. Even if he did something nice, which was rare since he was "so busy with work," I felt as if it wasn't genuine.
When you have anxiety, people automatically assume it's your job to fix it. If you get rid of your anxiety, your relationship will be perfect, right?
"Go see a doctor; it will help, I swear."
"Maybe you should get on medication."
"You need to stop worrying about the things he does and doesn't do!"
However, what it took me 2 years and 8 months to realize was it's not anxiety that causes relationships to fail; It's you trying to force a relationship with a toxic person who is the source of your anxiety.
It took me 2 years 8 months to realize my anxiety isn't a curse, it is who I am.
It is what makes me wonderful.
.....
Surrounding people whom a
person likes
is not really getting ones who he is like character wise
as individuals of same nature befriend by default and not by design of own choice.
is not really getting ones who he is like character wise
as individuals of same nature befriend by default and not by design of own choice.
~Anuj Somany
The Greatest
Trick the
Devil ever
Played was
to convince
the World
He was
Someone Else.
Trick the
Devil ever
Played was
to convince
the World
He was
Someone Else.
The Greatest
Trick the
Devil ever
Pulled was
convincing the
World He
Didn't Exist.
Trick the
Devil ever
Pulled was
convincing the
World He
Didn't Exist.
- Cameron Jace
"The Grimm Diaries Prequels"
"The Grimm Diaries Prequels"
-Roger "Verbal"
Kint
"The Usual Suspects"
"The Usual Suspects"
"A person who is in the
elements of his own is often thrown to a situation to be shown
all alone; and people who aren’t may be in a position seen
by all, but they are often unknown to be utterly
lone"
~Anuj Somany
~Anuj Somany
People try so hard to be
different and still end up like everyone else.
"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"
- Bob Dylan
- Bob Dylan
Don't be upset because no one likes
something that you like
Be happy because it makes you unique compared to them
Be happy because it makes you unique compared to them
be yourself
because an original
is worth more than a copy
because an original
is worth more than a copy
Your differences are what make
you unique. They’re what make you special. You have nothing
in common with these ignorant retches who thrive on superstition
and fear. You were meant for
greatness.<3
