Best Bible Quotes This Week

Whenever anyone argues against marriage equality because of their religious views as a Christian, I want to hit them over the head with repeatedly with a Bible while yelling--
--Adultury isn't illegal!
--Lying isn't illegal!
--Divorce isn't illegal!
--Disrespecting you parents isn't illegal!
--Working on the Sabbath isn't illegal!
--Worshipping other gods is not illegal!
--The law does not follow the Bible!
I am a Christian and I approve this message
I'm sorry, you two can't get married. The Bible said Adam and Eve, not
Matthew and Ashley. Come back when you have legally changed your names.
"Why is my language not clear to you? Because you are unable to hear what I say." --John 8:34
Wait. Did Jesus say the equivalent of "Did I stutter?" Jesus is so sassy.
Homework? Decent grades? The Bible said
Adam and Eve, not Adam and Achieve
Me: I could just marry my laptop.. 
Society: Nono, the bible says Adam & Eve not Florence and the Machine.
Russell Howard on homophobia;
"The Bible says gays aren't natural.

What, and a talking snake is?!"
 
format-br0kenwings LEAVE THIS HERE PLEASE.

She is clothed in   strength and dignity

and she laughs without fear of the future.
                                                                                                                                                       Proverbs 31:25
 

DO NOT ERASE THE FORMAT CREDIT OR MAKE IT INVISIBLE© format coded by: br0kenwings

So a few of my friends and I were having a small sort of party the other day.

Friend: *talking about this guy I used to like*
Friend: Did your mom every find out about that?
Me: Pffft. Like I tell my mom anything of importance.
Friend 2: Isn't your mother still here?
Me: Crap.
Him: *screams* I LOVE THE BIBLE!
Him: Okay we're good.







Jesus: Need an Ark?
Jesus: I Noah guy.








 
What do you call a book club that has been stuck on the same book for thousands of years?
 
Church





sorry if this offends anyone I just thought it was funny
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