Dear boy #1.
We made out three times. January first, March fifth, and April
twelfth. First of all, I have had a crush on you since middle
school. Even in middle school there was a rumor you were going to
ask me out but then you got nervous and never did. Then we started
working together, and every time you would talk to me I would get
massive butterflies. Then we started hanging out and I guess I just
kept falling harder and harder for you. So on January first, we
were at a New Years Party and I was not having a good time because
my cousin passed away the week before so I was about to leave. I
went out to my friends car and you followed me out there. I did not
ask you to do that. You did that yourself. You didn't want me
to leave. You held me and wanted me to talk to you and that was the
first time I admitted I liked you. You said you liked me too and
then you kissed me. We went back inside and that was it. Never did
anything about it after that.
March fifth we were coming home from our friends and we just
dropped off the other girl and you were taking me home, but you
were also taking the long way. Then we started talking about us.
About why we fell apart since middle school. Then you drove up to
the side of my house. I was about to get out of the car but you
asked me to stay. We started talking about our feelings for
eachother and you made my heart melt. You held my hand and told me
you wanted to be in a relationship with me but there were so many
other factors you had to take into account. You told me I gave you
butterflies and you liked me. Then I was babbling on about
something and you took my face in your hand and told me to just
kiss you so we did. Nothing ever happened after that
either.
April twelfth. We were all at your house and you and everyone else
like usual were picking on me. So I decided to go downstairs and
take a breather. But you just couldn't leave me alone now could
you? You had to follow me, and tell me fine reject you five times.
I was confused and then you just kissed me. In the midst of all
that everyone came down and saw and my best friend, got extremely
upset. After that she and I didn't talk, I stopped hanging out
with you guys. And you and I just stopped talking.
Yet here we are. You keep "flirting" with me. You keep
texting me all these things. You keep pulling me back in, and then
for one night I'll believe you like me and that I should try
super hard to keep you in my life. But then you suddenly stop. I
come out of my haze and I realise that what I've been doing is
for the best. Because lets be honest for a minute. You never were
planning to make me yours. You were saying all of those things to
just get what you wanted. You were using me. And I didn't care.
I didn't care because you were someone I liked and wanted. I
thought maybe if you used me enough, you would eventually fall for
me. But that hasn't happened. So tell me why I should even
bother, keeping your name in my phone. Why should I bother even
trying with you anymore. If you say Hi, I will respond with Hi. If
you ask me how I'm doing I'll say fine. But I
will NOT keep being fooled by you, or
playing your little games. It's not fair that everyone else can
move on from you, but when I say hey yeah I'm over you, you
immedietley burst into tears and saying you're sorry and you
don't want me to be over you, that I'm
not allowed to not have feelings for you
anymore.
I'm doing this for me. I'm doing this so I can have a reset
in my life. I want a new start. You are toxic and I'm finally
kicking you out of my life.