*My brother walks
into my room with my cat*
brother: Elroy (my cat) you're so cute.
brother: Look there's your mom (pointing at me)
brother: Wanna go see my mom?
*Walks into living room*
brother: There's my mom
brother: Elroy if I was a cat I'd be gay with you.
*Walks back into my room*
me:
brother: Yes, I'd be gay with Elroy if I was a cat.
brother: Elroy (my cat) you're so cute.
brother: Look there's your mom (pointing at me)
brother: Wanna go see my mom?
*Walks into living room*
brother: There's my mom
brother: Elroy if I was a cat I'd be gay with you.
*Walks back into my room*
me:
brother: Yes, I'd be gay with Elroy if I was a cat.
My brother
ladies and
gentleman.
*My brother
telling my mom a story*
brother: So I walk in
me: Like what up I got a big c/ck?
me: Were you so pumped you bought some sh/t from a thrift shop?
brother:
brother: You're the second person to do that to me today.
brother: So I walk in
me: Like what up I got a big c/ck?
me: Were you so pumped you bought some sh/t from a thrift shop?
brother:
brother: You're the second person to do that to me today.
Soap operas
are so
ridiculous
"She’s cheating on you and I kidnapped your mom and you think your brother killed her but your brother isn’t really your brother because he was switched at birth but your real brother is the guy that your wife is having an affair with and I’m your long lost child you never knew about. Also your father came back from the dead and we don’t know how."
"She’s cheating on you and I kidnapped your mom and you think your brother killed her but your brother isn’t really your brother because he was switched at birth but your real brother is the guy that your wife is having an affair with and I’m your long lost child you never knew about. Also your father came back from the dead and we don’t know how."
Me:
*teaching my 9 year old brother how to do a ponytail*
Brother: I'll never need to know this
Me: lol yes you do, for your daughters.
Brother: My wife will do it.
Mom: What if she dies?
Brother: I'll find a new wife.
Brother: I'll never need to know this
Me: lol yes you do, for your daughters.
Brother: My wife will do it.
Mom: What if she dies?
Brother: I'll find a new wife.
I have a very cool true story.
When my mom and her brother were very
little, about 5 ish, her brother said he hated red-heads.
He said if he had a red-head child, he would kill
it.
Obviously, he grew up and doesn't think about that anymore.
Now, listen to this and remember what he said about red heads.
So about 16 or 17 years ago, my mom's little brother's wife was pregnant. It was expected that they were going to get a boy. A night before they had the baby, my mom had a dream. Her dream was that her grandma (who has passed away already) came into her dream. Her grandma told my mom, "Dear, your brother is going to have a girl tomorrow. A girl! Not a boy. And get this! The girl will be a red-head!"
The next morning, my mom got a call from her brother.
He said to her, "Wow, we had the baby! It's a girl, not a boy after all! And she's a... red head."
Wow. This is so weird... what are the chances? And no one in my family even has red hair. Both coincidential and just.. weird!
Obviously, he grew up and doesn't think about that anymore.
Now, listen to this and remember what he said about red heads.
So about 16 or 17 years ago, my mom's little brother's wife was pregnant. It was expected that they were going to get a boy. A night before they had the baby, my mom had a dream. Her dream was that her grandma (who has passed away already) came into her dream. Her grandma told my mom, "Dear, your brother is going to have a girl tomorrow. A girl! Not a boy. And get this! The girl will be a red-head!"
The next morning, my mom got a call from her brother.
He said to her, "Wow, we had the baby! It's a girl, not a boy after all! And she's a... red head."
Wow. This is so weird... what are the chances? And no one in my family even has red hair. Both coincidential and just.. weird!
*School calling my
mom at work*
school secretary: Hello, I'm calling about your son
mom: Okay, what happened?
school secretary: He's asking if he can go home.
school secretary: He says he has a 'super awesome' sub in the fridge.
school secretary: And he wants to go get it and come back during his studyhall
school secretary: Hello, I'm calling about your son
mom: Okay, what happened?
school secretary: He's asking if he can go home.
school secretary: He says he has a 'super awesome' sub in the fridge.
school secretary: And he wants to go get it and come back during his studyhall
Okay, my
brother isn't
normal.
I came home from school, and dropped my bags whilst looking over to the sofa to find a guy sitting on it, watching tv. I froze in my spot.
Him: give me your money and your phone, and you wont get hurt.
Me: *stutters like a freak* I have no money *scrambles through my pockets looking for my phone*
Him: Hurry up! *stands up whilst scaring the shitpout of me*
Me: I- I-
Him: Nah, I'm just kidding. Your brothers in the shower- I'm just waiting for him to get out.
I can't even- oh my fuckingogod
