Best Christmas Quotes Today


Me: For Christmas I want a boyfriend
Santa: Let's be realistic

Today my dad was singing Christmas carols in the kitchen
Dad:
He knows how long you sleep in
Dad:He knows that you've been baked

Dad:
He knows you spend all day online so you better hope your grandma gets you something nice because Santa is done with your sh-t
I hate when people put irrelevant tags in their quotes

every christmas my mum suggests that we all sit and play monopoly, and every year it ends with her crying in the corner, dad refusing to talk to anyone, my older brother screaming, my little brother running away and me sat at the table laughing maniacally as i buy 2 more hotels  











Only in America:

1.) Do we watch a ball drop on New Years
2.) Let Groundhogs tell us when spring is coming
3.) Prank people on the first day of April
4.) Carve faces on big orange fruits called pumpkins
5.) Watch the president pardon a turkey before feasting
6.) Trample over eachother to get good deals on gifts
7.) Keep Christmas decorations up until May
8.) Don't use the metric system, like the rest of the world
9.) Laws like: it's illegal for a tenant to bite his landlord.
10.) Do we have holidays like: National wiggle your toes day

 


 

 





 
f o r m a t   j i m m y 3 6 5 
 

christmas list:
killer eyebrows
a boyfriend
anything edible really
selfie skills

yeah so i was at my friends house (hes a guy) and his parents weren’t home so we broke into his dad booze cabinet and started drinking. we ended up cudding and watching re-runs of full house, and he told me he loved me and i was like youre just drunk and he said ‘yeah but im not saying it because im drunk. im saying it as fact, it is 54 degrees outside, the ocean is salty, and i love you’ and i was like dayum son and thats the story of how i lost my virginity. 


OH GOD

Christmas is so much worse as you get older it’s like “what do you want this year?”
“a sense of purpose”

It's almost time to not get kissed under the mistletoe and to not get kissed on New Years.



hanging out with friends means sitting in my living room and
asking each other "so what do you want to do" for a few hours
and then it’s 11pm and it’s too late to do anything

 

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