Church Quotes

We worship in the bedroom.
The only heaven I'll be sent to,
is when I'm alone with you.

Take me to church, I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your life. I'll tell you my sins so you can sharpen your knife. Offer me that deathless death, good god, let me give you my life.
Mom: But Allison, you can't wear a Slipknot t-shirt to church.
My friend whenever his mother manages to drag him to church:
*wears all black*
*walks up to random person*
"I can't wait to go home!!! I'll tell Satan you say hi!!!"
Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away. Soon everyone was gone except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly. Satan walked up to him and said, "Don't you know who I am?" The man replied, "Yep, sure do." Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?" "Nope, sure ain't," said the man. Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?" The man replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."
Airports see more sincere kisses than wedding halls.
The walls of hospital have heard more prayers than the walls of church.
Priest: Open to Leviticus 4:20 haha praise it.
Catholic priest: Let's go out and help the community!
Luthern minister: Okay!
*Both gets signs*
*Priest sign reads: It is coming to an end*
*Minister sign reads: Turn around before it's too late*
Man in car: Save that church crap for your own time. Stupid @#$!
*Car drives away and you hear a huge splash*
Priest: Maybe we should change our signs to "BRIDGE IS CLOSED"

(Not mine, but I thought it would put a smile to your faces!)
Confession #2:
Whenever me and my family go to church, my family are the only people clapping in the recessional song, or the last song.
People always stare and I hide my face in the song sheet. I tell them to stop, but they always say, "No, Catherine. If we
clap, then other people will, too." But other people never do. Ah, family. A bunch of creatures that love to embarrass and
annoy you.


If you're waiting for the right time
The right time will fly right by you
Always planning, never moving
Always praying, never doing


 
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