Control Quotes

About a month ago, I started cutting again. Before that I went two months witghout cutting (note:that is a new record for me) Shortly after I started again, my aunt found out. She went through the same thing as a teenager. She talked me out of cutting for the first time on Sunday. Ever since then she has messaged me every night to make sure I wasnt cutting. And I feel bad, but every night I tell her I didn't cut, even on the nights that I did.  

I
have also been feeling like I shouldn't be alive anymore. Like no one would really miss me. Like I'm nothing but a bother to everyone. I feel the need to cut. It's the one thing that I actualy have control over. Everything else in my life is controled by those around me. My job is controled by my boss. My grades are controled by my teachers. My free time, is no longer free time, because that too is controled by others. I have almost no say in anything that happens in my life anymore. 

I
know this is not a happy post, but just note that I don't expect you to have sympathy for me, I don't expect anyone to care.
at this age, we are so use to the way are lives are. Someone new comes in and disrupts it or controls it. I lose it. Pardon if I go crazy.
Control.
It's a distant memory.




I will get it back.

This body is not mine.




You want to be the one in control?

You want to be the one who's alive?

It's not a matter of luck it's just a matter of time...





 
You've held the strings for too long now. It's about time that I take over. It is my life after all.
Look at the situation we are in. Do you really think im the one that needs to grow up?
I am holding in my rant. I am controlling my act before thinking impulses. I am being understanding. Why? Because you MATTER. When is your thick ahh head going to get that?
I wonder if killing yourself is the only thing you can control in your entire life, and that's why it's considered a sin; because you're beating God at his own game.








 

sometimes things happen.

and as much as you hope, you will never be
able to control everything that you want to.

parents split up, people pass away, others move on,
you scrape your knee, your heart is broken,
people come and people go.

you can't control it all.









 





 



Suicide is the only thing
You can control in your life
And that's why it's considered a sin.
Because you're beating God
At his own game.





 
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