Best Conversation Quotes This Week

me: can i go to the bathroom?
teacher: what for?
me: TO OPEN THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS, what do you think for?!!?


person: are you allergic to anything?
me: yes
person: to what?
me: people.


an actual conversation i overheard on the train
person 1: i'm not against gay marriage but i feel sorry for people with 2 dads
person 2: what? why?
person 1: they have to put up with twice the dad jokes
person 2: omfg

me after every conversation: why the fck did i say that
People who I haven't seen in years: You got really pretty
Me: I'm not sure if I should take this as a compliment or an insult
Boy: hey!!! I have two words to say.
Girl: what?
Boy: I LOVE YOU!!
Girl: isn't that 3 words?
Boy: No!!! because (u) and (I) are one!!!
*Girl/b/tch in my class walks up to me*

Girl: i'm pritty shure i have the same shoes as you, and i got mine first.
Me: *looks down at shoes*
girl:
Me: yeah!!! so? 
Me: atleast they look good on me!!!
Me: *walks away leving her speechless*

*True story*
I'd say about 90% of my conversations go like this:

Person: This bagel tastes nasty.
Me: You taste nasty.

Person: My shoes are covered in mud.
Me: You're covered in mud.

Person: I ordered Coke. This is Pepsi.
Me: You're Pepsi.

Person: That sunset is beautiful.
Me: You're beautiful.
Person: Thanks.

Person: I'm hungry.
Me: You're hungry.
Person: Yea, I said that.
Me: Oh...

     
    "I
maginreading

     
   
               a book of every conversation where people have spoken of you."
                    

  
 

one time I overslept and my mom came into my room to wake me up and said “you had better get up or else you’ll be rushing”. I wanted to say “if I’m rushing then so be it” but since I was still half asleep my mind changed “rushing” to “Russian”, I rolled over and said “if I’m Russian, soviet” and to this day it’s the best joke I’ve ever made
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