Funny Quotes

~I'll hit you with facts if you hit me with lies~
Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me.

I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from an accident.

Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys.

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of "tea," which was just water.

After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home.

My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was "just the cutest thing!"

My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watched him drink it up.

Then she says, (as only a mother would know . . ... )

"Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?"
Honestly, if you're gonna be Petty with me, i'm just gonna be Petty with you. Not my fault you were the one that started the "petty war". You just want something to get mad about 😕
"why are you crying, you wanted this"
no, i never wanted this
i fell in love with you because i wanted you
but i never wanted to say goodbye
so no, i never wanted this
i feel lost in a vast forest
and you once found me
so please 
find me again
Funny how my friends are asking me to give them reasons why they should live when I'm literally 1 centimeter away from death and i can't tell them i'm not okay because I'd just be selfish. Same thing with my family. Wish it wasn't, but it is.
You're like a flip switch, always on and off. MAKE UP YOUR MIND.
The term 'common parlance' isn't.
I don't know what a 'giant slalom' is, but it certainly doesn't sound appropriate for family television.
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