Funny Quotes

where are you, jimmy?

If you refrain from clicking on a 'test your IQ' ad, your IQ goes up by 15 points.
How can I love others if I don’t love myself – and why hasn’t wikiHow published an article on this yet???
The question isn’t what the future holds – the question is why the future has to squeeze them so hard.
Only time will tell.

... And even then, only if time is offered a plea deal.

I said I had skin in the game. I never said it was mine.
Every synonym for 'ersatz' is superior to it.
There are worse places to have a monkey than on your back.
Newest social me​dia acronym: LOLTWBWNOIW (Laugh out loud then weep bitterly when no one is watching).
I need to improve my work-work balance.
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