Funny Quotes

Having been drafted to draft an analysis on proposals to bring back the draft, I poured a glass of draft, shut the window to keep out the draft, and started working on the first draft.
Veni, vidi, vomens.  I came, I saw, I experienced severe nausea.











  I wasted so many years being miserable because
I assumed that was the only way to be.
I don't want to do that anymore













 
There are people who will pick your brain like they're picking a pimple.
Creaking is cracking with better branding.
If you're really an influencer, how come I've heard of you?

I'm in favor of appointing a standing committee, as long as it's standing against a wall.


You're never going to owe more money than you're going to owe when you're a baby.

Opportunity is a porch pirate.

The best defense against fundamentalism isn't drones firing missiles, but girls reading books.

Specifically, books like Counter-fundamentalist Missile-firing Drone Operations for Girls.

People You Might Like
  • nicolešŸŒ¹*
  • Dudu*
  • Restitutor Orbis*
  • mariah_love1369
  • *Yours Truly*
  • desperado*
  • Steve
Newest Wittians
  • 01020000
  • caylanichole
  • bmleo
  • http_dessie
  • Missmarie
  • Felony
  • Queenxo