Best Funny Quotes This Week

Too ugly to date attractive people,

Too attractive to date ugly people.

 

I think its time to shave my legs
"MOTHER, FETCH THE LAWN MOWER"

puberty either makes you a
hot god or a potatoe.



 

girl pockets: can fit a piece of lint. if you're lucky, two pieces of lint.
guy's pockets: can fit car keys, a notepad, a calculator, the neighbors dog, an apartment complex, the entire state of hawaii, and half of jupiter.

So I get home and there's this random guy on my couch and he's like "Alright, I don't want to hurt you. Just put your stuff down and get on the ground. I just want your money." And I almost had a heart attack. I was like, "OMG, please no I don't have any money. I'm too young to die." Then he was like, "Nah man, I'm just messin with you. I'm your brothers friend. He's in the shower, I'm just waiting for him." 

That guy is a genius....

 

i could never cheat in a relationship.
that would require TWO guys finding me attractive. i can barley find one.