As of late, i seem to not be able to remember
who I am, Not a a person, but as a spirit. Those who i left my
trust and faith in have been seeming to dim. The lights from my
life, slowing fading from existance. People always tell me that im
important and that i matter a lot to them. It doesnt seem like it.
It seems more and more painful. Honestly, i seem to be hating
myself for it as well. Like it my fault for this. Ive come to terms
with this before. Although it gets worse each time it happens. So
far worse that ive been reverting back to my previous stages in
life. When i didnt have friends. It doesnt appear like i have
friends. My "friends" say that they care about
me.
I think about why i should even bother. I feel like im losing. Like there is no point in trying to even live my life. But everytime i do i feel dead. I have this selfhatred, that seems to be boiling like a pool of hot blood fresh from my dying body. I cant even see into my eyes anymore. Into my very soul.
Do i even have my soul?
It just feels like this empty void that is just circulating in my body. Not knowing what to do. Wether to wake up or stay dormant, ill never know.
Maybe one day ill be able to solve the mystery of how i truly died. Not a corpse but as a living husk that just walks around for days, months, even years. I remember when i used to laugh, about nothing at all it was better than going mad. But now i cant solve any problems i have. I just cant live on like this anymore. I want to try being better than i already am but everyone keeps pushing me down. Like im not important, Some people barely remember my own name. I barely get to remember my own name. I rarely get to hear it anymore.
My name is.....
I think about why i should even bother. I feel like im losing. Like there is no point in trying to even live my life. But everytime i do i feel dead. I have this selfhatred, that seems to be boiling like a pool of hot blood fresh from my dying body. I cant even see into my eyes anymore. Into my very soul.
Do i even have my soul?
It just feels like this empty void that is just circulating in my body. Not knowing what to do. Wether to wake up or stay dormant, ill never know.
Maybe one day ill be able to solve the mystery of how i truly died. Not a corpse but as a living husk that just walks around for days, months, even years. I remember when i used to laugh, about nothing at all it was better than going mad. But now i cant solve any problems i have. I just cant live on like this anymore. I want to try being better than i already am but everyone keeps pushing me down. Like im not important, Some people barely remember my own name. I barely get to remember my own name. I rarely get to hear it anymore.
My name is.....
"A person has to be too much
selfish to fulfill own wish of being surrounded by many people
often,
else s/he feels suffocated due to hatred or hidden jealousy from the most public around her/him."
~Anuj Somany
else s/he feels suffocated due to hatred or hidden jealousy from the most public around her/him."
~Anuj Somany
I always
cursed
my own
life.
The anxiety, anger and hatred
I couldn't suppress.
The anxiety, anger and hatred
I couldn't suppress.
Campho phenique, the greatest thing ever presented to man kind
because mosquitos are literally devil spawn.
I Spot You In A Crowd Of Unsettled Beings... My Heart Stops, and My
Stomach Tightens... Our Eyes Meet & Not A Single Word Was
Spoken.... Suppressed Memories Resurfaced At The Sight Of You.... -
IM3000
The things I wish I could say about
you, the father of my child. I used to could say some of the
kindest things, but now the things you say are
cruel. You tell me you
don't love me, when you used to tell me
everyday. You would run your fingers through my hair now instead
you'd rather pull it. You used to hold my
heart carefully in your hands, but now you'd rather
crush it. Instead of telling me I'm
beautiful each and everyday you tell me how ugly
and fat I am. You tell me I can
never take care of our baby right. And when you
don't have to work and I'm so happy your home so we can
spend days together you leave me and our son all
alone at home to hang out with your friends.
Last year around this time we were so full of
love we were bursting from the seams. Now you are
filled with hatred towards me. I can't help
that I have stretch marks and gained some
baby weight but you were so happy when we found
out that I was pregnant. Now you look at me with
disgust and only hold your son to feed him. You
never sit and talk to him for hours at a time
like I do. But, I know you love him. I
just wish I knew you loved me too. :( But sadly I know
you don't love me anymore but I don't
want our son to have split up parents so I'll take all your
abuse like a pill one at a time until my body
can't take it anymore.
I don't understand hate. I've seen its power. I
know its wrath. I've even felt it coursing through my
veins, pushing me on. But I don't know where it comes from
or why it lasts, how it can take hold in some people and
grow.
Of course I have a dark mind...
It is needed to match my dark soul, my dark spirit, my dark wings and MY BLACK HEART...
It is needed to match my dark soul, my dark spirit, my dark wings and MY BLACK HEART...
"I wish you could see what I been through in my
eyes,
but instead, you listen to others' lies."
but instead, you listen to others' lies."
