Hilarious Quotes

Spontaneity is the province of youth – though I hear Saskatchewan is pretty swingin' too.
exit the womb they said

life will be great they said
if i'm gonna pretend to everyone else i'm A Okay Great Okay No Worries Friend then im gonna do myself the service of crying in my own personal spaces if thats oKay with you ,, haha


   Too many people undervalue what they are;

And overvalue what they're not 



Kid: Whats a man?

Dad: A man is someone who loves unconditionally, cares about you and protects you.

Kid: When I grow up, I'll be a man like mom.

And thus God said unto Abraham, "Abraham."
And Abraham replied, "What."

God said to John "Come forth and recieve eternal life."
But John came fifth and won a toaster.

And Judas approached the rabbis and Pharisees

"The one whom I kiss is the one you seek."
To which they responded "Gay."

And thus God made Eve, and she was Bammin' Slammin bootylicious.
See you all in hell.


the great gatsby is just hilarious because
nick, the narrator, begins by talking about the advice
his father gave him when he was younger.
"whenever you feel like criticising any one just
remember that all the people in this world haven't had
the advantages that you've had."
he explains how this caused him to "reserve all judgements"
but he then spends the next 200 pages judging everyone

Dean: God? 
Castiel: He's gotta be here somewhere.
Dean: Try New Mexico, I heard he was on a tortilla.
Castiel: No, he's not on any flatbread

me & my room 

are twins,

we're both a mess


If you drop a baby, does the 5 second rule still apply?
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