Best Hilarious Quotes Ever

How roll call will go in the future:

Teacher: Welcome to class students! Please say 'here' when I call your name.
Teacher: Albus
Albus: Here!
Teacher: Doctor
Doctor: Oh, yes, um, hello. I can't talk at the moment, time's gone wibbly. Probably leave a message at the tone or something.
Teacher: Um... okay? Hermione
Hermione: Yes, I'm here! And when's our first test? I've been studying all Summer and-
Red-headed boy in class: Oh my god, Hermione, shut up!
Teacher: And you must be Ron! Okay then, Primrose
Primrose: Here
Random girl in back of class: I VOLUNTEER!!!
Teacher: And I see Katniss has made it today as well, welcome.
Blonde boy: Katniss is here?! Yes! Her Katniss, try this bread I baked this morning!
Brunette boy: Oh, you'd better keep your hands off her! She's my best friend! We go hunting together!
Teacher: Peeta! Gale! Stop fighting over Katniss and sit down.
Teacher: Rory
Doctor: Oh, Rory died yesterday, ma'am. But he should be back again tomorrow.
Teacher: Oh...kay? And lastly, Draco.
Draco: I'm LAST?! My father will hear about this!







I wonder if clouds ever look
down on us and say "Hey look, that one is shaped like an idiot".







 









Unless you physically see me
opening a tampon, don't just assume that because I'm angry, I'm on my period because that's just annoying and tonight when you're sleeping, I will "just assume" you are dead and bury you in the backyard.





 



 



BravoSierra's format

 
                                         you had when you were little that grew up to be an ásshole.
 








You hear a noise.
It's a soft clink followed by footsteps in your yard. You spring to your feet, and race to the door. Flinging it open wide, you race to your backyard. There, you see one thing, and one thing only: a spilled milkshake. Happy tears fill your eyes as you gingerly pick up the milkshake. The wind blows your hair back as you stare off into the sunset and whisper softly to yourself: The boys were here.







 







Mom: Why is everything on the floor?!
Me: Gravity, mom.















I have this weird self-esteem
issue where I hate myself, but I still think I'm better than everyone else.







 


I wanna be a panda
bear so 'freakin bad,
eAT ALL OF THE BAMBOO I NEVER HAD
I WANNA BE ON THE COVER OF ZOO MAGAZINES
SMILING NEXT TO ZEBRA AND THE PIG
OH EVERY TIME I CLOSE MY EYES
I SEE MYSELF BLACK AND WHITE
A DIFFERENT ZOO EVERY NIGHT, OH I SWEAR
THE WORLD BETTER PREPARE
FOR WHEN I'M A PANDA BEAR









In 1000 years, archeologists
will dig up tanning beds and think we fried people as punishment.






 


 


This actually happened in science class today.
Girl: ~talks loudly to her friends during a video on hurricanes~
Woman Substitute Teacher: Excuse me but do i need to come sit next to you??
Girl: No thank you i'm straight!!

Oh my god.
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